Sunday, September 02, 2012
I lost another Spark friend the other day. I’ve been there myself. You are ready to hit the “delete” button on your account and find some corner to hide in. You are frustrated, you are ashamed, you are scared and most of all you just do not understand why “this thing,” doesn’t work for you. You tell yourself it is time “for a break,” or “time to move on.” I’ve been there, I’ve done that and I proudly possess the scars, wounds and insecurities to prove it.
I started my journey almost three years ago believing that if I ate right and exercised daily I’d look like a cross between Tom Cruise and Matthew McCounaughey. I lost 80 pounds, looked good, felt good. I worked with a personal trainer ran a few 5K’s and life was good. It was after about 6 months that I hit a plateau. I used all the traditional wisdom and nothing seemed to work. That plateau lasted close to two years. Truth be told I regained all the weight I lost because the only logical explanation for my issues were that I was a goof, up, screw up, sort of guy who wasn’t worthy of health. I pushed myself physically to the point where I incurred two moderate to severe injuries. The downward spiral steepened. My dad died in March and I immediately put on 10 pounds. I was right back to where I started.
Jesus tells the story of the Prodigal Son. There is a passage in the story that sees the father looking at the son returning home, “While he was a long way off.” The son, tired and dejected was coming home; hat in hand to ask forgiveness. The father, miles away leapt for joy. In so many ways I am that son. My head would spin, the scale would groan as much as my back and legs did. I felt eons away not realizing I was millimeters close to finding the right combination.
I wouldn’t give up.
I’d like to tell you it was because a few angels appeared in the corner of my office and showed me the light. Plain and simple, at age 59 I want to live a long time. I lost 6 pounds this week. I didn’t do anything spectacular. I discovered what worked well for John, put blinders on to the rest of the world and showed a bit of success. I exercised 30 minutes each day, I stayed within my calorie limits and I took time to “be present,” at least for ten minutes each day. Tomorrow I’ll write a blog on my September goals.
Today I am going to bask in the glow and joy of success. It was a long time coming. My confidence level is high right now. That’s because after 3 long years I do believe, in my heart, my own mantra, “I am worth all the effort I put into myself.”
Don’t give up dear friend. The road may be steep and long but every now and then there is an oasis of enlightenment that makes this journey worthwhile. As Cat Steven once said “Oh I’m on my way I know I am, somewhere not so far from here……”