Feeling alone...

Saturday, September 01, 2012

I feel so lonely right now... I guess I should rewind about 24 hours...

Yesterday, while I was at a doctors appointment with my mom trying to determine what the best course of action is to take to beat her breast cancer, my husband and 15 year old daughter got into an argument.

They have always butt heads and my husband while I know he loves me and our children has a temper and yells far more than he should. Once he even lost control with our 15 year old about a year ago and starting hitting her and I had to step in the stop it. It was the only time he has ever hit her, but it was a scary ordeal. He got better and went back to just yelling at the kids once again, which even that I don't agree with, but he thinks I am too easy on the kids.

More recently he got angry with the same daughter and took a hammer to her cell phone. Why am I telling you this background? Well, it leads up to what took place yesterday....

While I was gone as I said before, he became angry with Catherine again, this time for her flippant attitude, back talking and for hitting her brother. He put her in time out and she was blatantly disrespectful to him. They seem to feed on each other pushing each others buttons until someone must intervene. Well, as no one was here, my husband became so worked up that he told her while holding his forefinger and thumb an inch apart "I am this close to beating the **** out of you" and then he went to her closet and took out one of her shirts and ripped it in two in front of her as an example of what he would continue to do if she didn't start to respect him.

She was so upset and overwhelmed by this that she took off and left the house. He called me and told me what happened and while I agree that she should respect him, I believe that you must first show respect to get it. Throughout our marriage he has always been hard on the children, especially Catherine, and I am afraid he has just pushed her so far that she will never really respect him because of how he treats her.

She was gone for 10 hours before she felt comfortable enough to contact me and tell me what happened. After which I told my husband that if he could not control his temper and finds himself where he is going to "beat the ****" out of our children then he could just leave, because I am not going to stand by and watch that. I know that it hurt him to hear that, and I hate that it had to be said. I love my husband and would hate for him to leave, but things cannot continue escalating. Now he is so distant and standoffish... I feel so very alone and hurt. And I know it is because of what I said to him.

I am still struggling with my diet and while our daughter was missing last night I just ate what ever my mom put in front of me. I expected my sugar to be sky high this morning, but the diet changes I have made must be making a bigger impact than I realized because my sugars this morning were better than yesterday morning.

It is not easy to budget, plan, shop and cook for a special diet not to mention doing it while working full time, with three kids, a sick mother (who lives with us) and a stay at home husband who is trying to be supportive, but just not getting the "hows" of being supportive with a diet change. But to have the added drama that yesterday brought is exhausting.

I want so badly to be healthy and happy again. But right now all I seem to feel is depressed and alone. I just want to cry and I hate it. I hope that everything will be alright and can only hope that tomorrow will be better.

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are not alone. You have a lot of friends right here to support you.

    I second all the notions that you and your family seek counseling. Seriously. It's easy to explain it away when you're in there, but for all of us on the outside looking in, based on what you've posted, you are NOT in a good situation right now. Your husband sounds like he's on the edge of losing control of his temper, and it's going to be very bad when that happens. I do honestly think you're at the point where a professional should intervene before it escalates further.

    I would get in touch with a church group or other organization if you need financial help with this. You can also look into free hotlines to help get you connected with resources, such as CARE crisis line for Western Washington at 800-584-3578.

    Best of luck to you and your family. Good thoughts and prayers will be sent your way!
    2024 days ago
    I so related to your blog. I found myself in a very similar situation 25 years ago!

    You seriously need to evaluate what is causing all the anger in your household. Your husband is obviously not a happy person and needs anger management counseling. But if he is like most, he isn't willing to seek that help because he just can't admit he has a problem. It sounds like you could all benefit from some counseling, but the key is that your husbands temper is out of control and is extremely dangerous. SPIRIT42013 hit the nail on the head "as dangerous as a loaded gun", please, please get help, before your daughter leaves for good.

    Your Sparkfriends are here for you, you are definitely not alone!! Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!

    emoticon emoticon
    2029 days ago
    Hugs to you and your family! emoticon You will be in my prayers...for each of you!
    2029 days ago
    You are not alone. Please know that. I do not have the answers for you about your husband and daughter situation as it is not an easy one. I do feel counseling would be a great thing. Maybe their tempers feed off each other or they just do not "like" each other. My dad loved my sister, but they never got along after she reached puberty. He may not have "liked" her, he did love her.
    You are in the middle and that can be painful. I will pray for you. emoticon
    2029 days ago
  • SPIRIT42013
    I'm not going to tell you everything will be alright. Something's got to give for things to get better. And eating over it, won't make it go away. It will only make you unhealthy. An explosive temper is as dangerous as a loaded gun. Phone to get help from a trusted advisor, minister, and/or counselor ASAP for you and the children. He needs to get his own help too ASAP. I wish you the very best for your situation, I really do! God bless you! emoticon
    2030 days ago
  • DONNA5281

    You are going through a lot right now and your DH should realize this.
    Has he ever gone to get help for his temper? If not, maybe it is something he should do before something serious happens.
    I am afraid for her.
    When I was 16 my step-father and I got into a terrible fight, we were always fighting.
    My neighbor had bought me a new blouse and because I didn't go right up stairs to get the blouse to show him. All h**l broke loose. It ended up where he pointed a loaded shot gun at me.
    Try and take it one day at a time. With everything that is going on I wouldn't worry to much about your diet and exercising,
    Anytime you need to blow off some steam you can get a hold of me, I will listen.
    Remember you are not alone, there are many group that could help you, plus you have all of us(SPARKERS) here for you!
    I will be praying for you and your family.
    emoticon emoticon
    2030 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.