Friday, August 31, 2012
This day has been surreal to say the least. Pretty tough to describe the atmosphere at work, then add in the presence of security guards and it was a tad tense and certainly distracting. Safety was a prime concern. Not safety from them, but safety on the job. Having your mind elsewhere can get you sent home in a bag.
I'm glad this day is over.
I took a vacation day tomorrow for the race.
There was not a temp agreement made but there was an agreement to keep working under the old contract on a 48 hr basis until something gives with the stipulation that if we strike or they decide to lock us out, there will be a 48 hr notice given. Well, at least there won't be any surprises.
I am currently thankful for the now. For now I have a job. For now, there is a calm, at least for me. For now, this is all that matters. I will try not to worry about what will happen 48 hrs from now, it is too much for me and I am already on overload. Frankly, I can't take it. Like others have said, I have done all that I can reasonably do. I was smart. I saved and prepared the best I could without making my family live in a bunker.
This has always been the chink in my armor. To those that think I am fearless, guess again. My biggest problem is fear of the unknown, uncertainty, unemployment. It always makes me feel like I'm on death row and my fate is totally in the hands of another. It's one thing for me to screw up, be irresponsible and bring on my own problems, I can take it like a man. However, when someone forces hardship on me and I suffer through no fault of my own, I have a real issue with that.
I guess I have a real problem when I am no longer in control, I feel helpless and powerless to stop my demise.
Although my emotions are all over the place, I fall back on what I wrote in my blog series sometime back. I practice what I preach and it will be harder than hell to do so. I will practice response-ability. The ability to choose my response. I can see the handwriting on the wall and how easy it is to spin out of control emotionally so therefore, rather than start down that slippery slope, I will forcefully steer my vessel in the right direction rather than letting the winds of emotion blow me into the rocks. It is just that simple. There is no other option.
Any amateur can steer a boat when it is glass calm but it is the storms that forge the sailor...
I haven't really prepped for this race too much so I am not expecting a dazzling performance. Rather, I am going to simply just go for an enjoyable run, feel the vibe of the race. No worries on finishing, i got this... Run, walk, boogie, break dance, or what ever combo I come up with, I'll finish.
-btw... I can't dance so I'll have to make it up as I go....I won't be pretty though :)
..do the "worm"?...Ugh..don't go there..for your own safety lol...
Tally ho, off to packet pick up.
I'm gonna run and forget about all of this crap, it isn't worthy of my attention right now.