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Friday, August 31, 2012

This day has been surreal to say the least. Pretty tough to describe the atmosphere at work, then add in the presence of security guards and it was a tad tense and certainly distracting. Safety was a prime concern. Not safety from them, but safety on the job. Having your mind elsewhere can get you sent home in a bag.

I'm glad this day is over.

I took a vacation day tomorrow for the race.

There was not a temp agreement made but there was an agreement to keep working under the old contract on a 48 hr basis until something gives with the stipulation that if we strike or they decide to lock us out, there will be a 48 hr notice given. Well, at least there won't be any surprises.

I am currently thankful for the now. For now I have a job. For now, there is a calm, at least for me. For now, this is all that matters. I will try not to worry about what will happen 48 hrs from now, it is too much for me and I am already on overload. Frankly, I can't take it. Like others have said, I have done all that I can reasonably do. I was smart. I saved and prepared the best I could without making my family live in a bunker.

This has always been the chink in my armor. To those that think I am fearless, guess again. My biggest problem is fear of the unknown, uncertainty, unemployment. It always makes me feel like I'm on death row and my fate is totally in the hands of another. It's one thing for me to screw up, be irresponsible and bring on my own problems, I can take it like a man. However, when someone forces hardship on me and I suffer through no fault of my own, I have a real issue with that.

I guess I have a real problem when I am no longer in control, I feel helpless and powerless to stop my demise.

Although my emotions are all over the place, I fall back on what I wrote in my blog series sometime back. I practice what I preach and it will be harder than hell to do so. I will practice response-ability. The ability to choose my response. I can see the handwriting on the wall and how easy it is to spin out of control emotionally so therefore, rather than start down that slippery slope, I will forcefully steer my vessel in the right direction rather than letting the winds of emotion blow me into the rocks. It is just that simple. There is no other option.

Any amateur can steer a boat when it is glass calm but it is the storms that forge the sailor...

I haven't really prepped for this race too much so I am not expecting a dazzling performance. Rather, I am going to simply just go for an enjoyable run, feel the vibe of the race. No worries on finishing, i got this... Run, walk, boogie, break dance, or what ever combo I come up with, I'll finish.
-btw... I can't dance so I'll have to make it up as I go....I won't be pretty though :) the "worm"?...Ugh..don't go there..for your own safety lol...

Tally ho, off to packet pick up.

I'm gonna run and forget about all of this crap, it isn't worthy of my attention right now.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1350 days ago
    Good luck
    1360 days ago
    emoticon I hope the race makes you feel tons better! And I'm sure your job situation will pass.
    1380 days ago
  • v DMEYER4
    good luck on your job and your run.
    1387 days ago
  • v DOTTY7267
    1393 days ago
    Enjoy the run! Take care of yourself & your family!
    1394 days ago
  • v ESME25
    1394 days ago
    Have a great run. I feel you on the job front. I work on a contract that has a yearly renewal basis. So, I know the pain of wanting every year to find out if my job is still going to be there or with the same company.
    1394 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1394 days ago
  • v HFAYE81
    Hope your race felt rewarding!! emoticon
    1394 days ago
    No matter how dark the path ahead looks, there will always, always be another dawn. Just keep focused on what the next thing is, and you will find that you make it through. :)
    1394 days ago
    I will pray for your job situation and for the crazy uncertainty. Have a great race!
    1394 days ago
  • v TRICIAE2

    May the joy of running ease your troubled mind! Hope everything clears up soon for you!
    1394 days ago
  • v SJKENT1
    I read in a devotional/bible study awhile ago and never forgot: when the storms come the best thing to do is anchor deep and hold on. Wait here it is.."Max Lucado in his book "Six Hours One Friday". In Chapter 1, he tells of the time in Florida during his younger years (in 1979) when he and his roommates were preparing for the onslaught of Hurricane David (in 1979). In Max’s words:
    "Floridians don't have to be told to duck when a hurricane is on the warpath. Windows were taped up, canned goods were bought, flashlights were tested. David was about to pounce.
    "On the Miami River a group of single guys was trying to figure out the best way to protect their houseboat. Not that it was much of a vessel. It was, at best, a rustic cabin on a leaky barge. But it was home. And if they didn't do something, their home was going to be at the bottom of the river.
    "None of the fellows had ever lived on a boat before, much less weathered a hurricane. Any sailor worth his salt would have had a good laugh watching those landlubbers.
    "It was like a McHale's Navy rerun. They bought enough rope to tie up the Queen Mary. They had their boat tied to trees, tied to moorings, tied to herself. When they were through, the little craft looked as if she'd been caught in a spider's web. They were so busy tying her to everything, it's a wonder one of the guys didn't get tied up.
    "How was I privy to such a fiasco? You guessed it. The houseboat was mine.
    "Don't ask what I was doing with a houseboat. Part adventure and part bargain, I guess. But that Labor Day weekend was more adventure than I'd bargained for. I had owned the boat for three monthly payments, and now I was about to have to sacrifice her to the hurricane! I was desperate. Tie her down! was all I could think.
    "I was reaching the end of my rope, in more ways than one, when Phil showed up. Now Phil knew boats. He even looked boat-wise.
    "He was born wearing a suntan and dock-siders. He spoke the lingo and knew the knots. He also knew hurricanes. Word on the river had it that he had ridden one out for three days in a ten-foot sailboat. They made him a living legend.
    "He felt sorry for us, so he came to give some advice and it was sailor-sound. 'Tie her to land and you'll regret it. Those trees are gonna get eaten by the 'cane. Your only hope is to anchor deep,' he said. 'Place four anchors in four different locations, leave the rope slack and pray for the best.' " (2)
    Good advice in times of trouble, don't you think?
    What do you do...
    When life hits you full in the face?
    When it feels like the wind has been taken out of your sails?
    When you're being tossed to and fro in a sea of madness?
    How do you hang on? Do you cling to the wisdom of this world or to wisdom that seems out of this world? The advice given to Max by the seasoned seaman seems to be the wisest: "Anchor deep, leave the rope slack and pray for the best."
    I can almost hear God giving you the same counsel...
    ... when you unexpectedly lose your job and can't find another one.
    ... when the mate you have chosen for life walks out the door and won't listen to your tearful pleas for reconciliation.
    ... when the doctor tells you, or someone you love, the sad news.
    ... when you feel the painful impact of gossip, cruelty and backbiting. Anchor deep, leave the rope slack and pray for the best...
    ... when the stress at work is overwhelming and oppressive.
    ... when you look at yourself in the mirror at night and realize the mistakes you've made that day are the ones you thought you'd never make again.
    ... when you're ready to give up, but know that's not God's will.
    When life seems insane and out of control....... anchor deep, leave the rope slack and pray for the best.
    There have been times in my life, especially recently, when I survive, not by holding on to the wisdom of this age, but only by holding on to my faith in the Anchor of Life. I make it through tough times by clinging to the conviction that God is in control of every moment even when I'm not, knowing that the wisest thing I can do is leave the rope slack (let go of the situation) and pray for the best (God's Will to be done, not mine).
    If you are experiencing unpleasant trials, my friend, anchor deep, hold on to your faith and pray. God may calm the storm, or He may choose to calm the center of your soul amidst the storm. Either way, you'll make it safe to harbor."
    1394 days ago
  • v FELICIA68
    Have a great run and trust that God has provided for your needs. emoticon
    1394 days ago
    Good luck on the job front. My husband's company is starting the layoffs again so we have that worrying starting all over again. It definately is not easy.
    1395 days ago
    Wishing you a smooth great race! And will definitely say a prayer for your job situation.

    emoticon Forward motion, requires facing forward...Good Luck!
    1395 days ago
    Hubby has been going thru a lot of uncertainty on his job. It is a really big deal. We are keeping our expenses down and our budget really tight. In these economigic times it is scary as there are not other jobs out there

    Just enjoy your run and have a great time
    1395 days ago
    have a good run
    1395 days ago
  • v NEWMOM20121
    Hope all turns out well for you.
    1395 days ago
    you are not alone. the feeling that we are on a precipice with only darkness and the unknown below are frightening to everyone. you are dealing with it very well--putting your emotions into something positive, rather than loosing such hard won ground. stay focused on your fitness--the mental strength you show there will help you in these other areas. all the best of thoughts and prayers to you.
    1395 days ago
    These are hard + changing times right now + an achievement like running a race really helps the mind. I ran my first 10k run last April. I can walk that easy, but to try to run it! It was fun + the fact that I did it made me feel so good! I

    I had a good hospital job + was downsized 3 yrs ago, start my own business (which doesn't pay all the bill), now doing that + working full time in retail. So I understand your worries. And staying in good health in these times is very important. The place we really live is in our bodies + our minds. Keep them healthy!

    I wish you the best with everything.

    1395 days ago
  • v BAZMAN7323
    A great post. Good luck in everything and I'll keep my fingers crossed that all works out for you.
    1395 days ago
  • v CAROLZ1967
    I hope you were able to clear your mind and enjoy the race.
    1395 days ago
    Talking about what is going on inside your head empowers you - it brings to the light what fears you hold that are real. It gives you another angle to view things at as you right.. clears your mind. You are going to fantastic in the race - and you are a stronger more focused person on the job because of your ability to get things out into the open and examine what makes you feel unsettled. Good for you - we are here for you
    1395 days ago
  • v HBLACK5
    emoticon emoticon
    1395 days ago
    Great attitude! Good luck and best wishes on your race!
    1395 days ago
    Good luck and enjoy the race.
    1395 days ago
    Good Luck. Anxious to hear how you did!
    1395 days ago
  • v JLEMUS1
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1395 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1395 days ago
    Good luck in the race, it will keep your mind occupied for a while! emoticon
    1395 days ago
  • v KATHIC2
    Persistence and the ability to focus have them both and they will take you far.
    1395 days ago
    emoticon love the postiive attitude!!! Good luck to you.....
    1395 days ago
  • v SPSPSP1
    Good for you!
    1396 days ago
    Here's an old oriental saying which I am paraphrasing: The only factor you can control, under any circumstance, is YOU. And it seems that you have understood this already. Been there. Done that. And you have the right attitude to make a difference to you. Good luck and God Bless,

    1396 days ago
    Good for you - have a great time and enjoy the fresh air in your lungs and the strength of your muscles. I am impressed with your amzaing outlook and sense of accountability. Best wishes for extraordinary outcomes in the next few days!

    1396 days ago
  • v AJB121299
    good luck
    1396 days ago
  • v CAROL494
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1396 days ago
  • v ILOVEJIM851991
    I know you can push thru hang in there
    1396 days ago
  • v HYATTI1
    So many good families are facing the same thing you are facing with the future in the hands of someone else. I hold my breath each day hoping it will last a little while longer. I can't predict what might happen for you as I can't see my own future but I will pray and keep you in my prayers that things will be alright no matter what happens.

    You are a good person and you deserve a good life.

    1396 days ago
  • v MUSOLF6
    emoticon Good Luck
    1396 days ago
    Wow, my prayers are with you. emoticon
    1396 days ago
    1396 days ago
    hey, your situation sounds really pants, but I applaud you for handling it in the best way - one step at a time, giving yourself the control you need to handle your situation and, most important of all - you've taken time out to help YOU.
    Great job!
    My thoughts are with you, take care of yourself!
    1396 days ago
  • v CIPHER1971
    Fingers crossed that it all works out for you professionally. I could give loads of platitudes and advice, but that is your race to run, but I am certain that your name will lead you ON 2 VICTORY

    1396 days ago
  • v MAMA_CD
    I guess that's where the rubber meets the road, staying positive even when we realize that our lives are not in our own hands. Circumstances are just that, we can rise above our circumstances. emoticon
    1396 days ago
    Sorry to tell you - we are never in control, we just think we are. The only thing we can control is what is in our minds, and how we respond to what is going on around us. Good job on steering your ship in the right direction!! You can manage with what ever comes out of these 48 hours. It is a waste of energy to worry about it, just be as prepared as possible & then be as flexible as needed. You will come out a winner!! Now go run & have fun!!
    1396 days ago
    Hope you had a great run
    1396 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1396 days ago
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