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A Wake Up Call... but I want to sleep and dream of candy.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Monday morning at 4am my husband awoke with chest pains, shortness of breath, numbness and tingling in his arm. I drove him to the emergency room where he was immediately surrounded by nurses and hooked up to machinery. I was worried, but feeling confident that we were airing on the side of caution and would be sent home. Nope. Dr. came in and said my husband was going to be sent to Petoskey as soon as they had an ambulance and that he would be getting a heart catheter. Boy were we shocked. What followed was the first heart cath with no blockages found, then that afternoon a second 'heart attack' (they are traditionally not deemed an attack unless caused by a blockage, but they look and feel the same as a heart attack). After his second attack they determined he needed a second heart cath to make sure nothing was missed the first time. Still no blockages found. It was determined that he has myocharditis, inflammation of the heart caused by a viral infection. He was sent home wednesday. I stayed with him, have been off work for a week. I caught a bad cold in the meantime. We have had lots of support from family and friends. Norris is stable right now, other than being in pain where they did the heart cath.

So above was the wakeup call. But my reaction to it has been less than stellar. First I got a bad cold why? stress... but no doubt facilitated by a week of eating nothing but crap beforehand. In my head I know what I need to do, and want to do. Eat better so I can be healthy and in a better position to enjoy life and deal with the unexpected stuff life throws at me...but what am I doing?

Sneaking twizzlers, eating cookies that were brought over, all I want to do is escape by eating crap and more crap. Which is going to just tear down my immune system and mood even more. But my desire to be healthy is not winning out over my desire to crawl under a rock with a bag of oreos and never come out again. You would think that such a scary experience would motivate me to stop messing around and take care of myself. My husband is eating healthy, and policing everything I eat, which makes me want to sneak crappy food even more. STUPID CHILDISH BEHAVIOR!!!!!!!!!!! How do I get past this and start making good decisions!????!!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh Dear, Oh My! It's good to hear that hubby is doing well and has no blockage. What a scare.

    With love and affection I will tell you what you already know ... and that's to put those chips, cookies, twizzlers down - actually just toss them. Ask your Mr to stop policing your food intake too. Having tempation around right now is not what you need, you are a fragile state of mind so just toss the lot. As for someone - anyone - policing our food intake, I've been there & it leads to sneaky ways and feelings of resentment. Your grown and are making grown-up decisions now just make the better ones. Start with small steps to better your eating and find ways to occupy your time, hands, and mind when you want to nibble. Yup, it's not easy and like me you have a few habits to break.

    1998 days ago
    First of all - I'm very very glad your husband hasn't had a heart attack and is on the mend.
    Second of all - stop blaming yourself for your cold - they are caused by bugs after all and you could've got it anywhere and NOT because you've been eating less than well. I blame my eating (and drinking) habits for all sorts of things that don't apply and just succeed in making myself even more guilty - AND stuffing it all down with more food.
    Give yourself a break - you got him to where he needed to be - in time - and it doesn't sound like you panicked around and made him feel worse. More power to you.
    You could deal with a big emergency so actually you CAN deal with yourself and your habits. The Oreos etc may, to some extent, be a reaction to the worry and stress of all this and if your husband wants to take on helping you out with habits that you want to be rid of, try and accept it - lots of women - I for one - would be happy for help in this way. I know what you mean about childish behaviour - DON'T tell me what to do or how to live - has been my mantra for years - but that's self destructive in itself.
    Love yourself enough to accept this loving gesture from him and without pressurising yourself you may find your habits improve.
    Will be thinking of you both - let me know how it all goes?
    BIG emoticon
    1999 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/1/2012 12:24:35 PM
  • OTEN36
    Super Excited your husband is on the mend.
    You on the other hand need to be a friend to yourself.
    Slimmerjesse is correct on the baby steps.
    Do keep us posted.
    Best wishes

    2000 days ago
    Very glad your husband is okay. Your cold might have been from exposure to viruses in the hospital, where they
    are in plentiful supply. As far as
    eating, this isn't the time to get
    down on yourself. Just sit and plan
    baby steps during this stressful
    time. It's the last thing you need to
    add pressure when you've already
    got a plateful. Best wishes for a quick recovery.
    2000 days ago
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