A Wake Up Call... but I want to sleep and dream of candy.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Monday morning at 4am my husband awoke with chest pains, shortness of breath, numbness and tingling in his arm. I drove him to the emergency room where he was immediately surrounded by nurses and hooked up to machinery. I was worried, but feeling confident that we were airing on the side of caution and would be sent home. Nope. Dr. came in and said my husband was going to be sent to Petoskey as soon as they had an ambulance and that he would be getting a heart catheter. Boy were we shocked. What followed was the first heart cath with no blockages found, then that afternoon a second 'heart attack' (they are traditionally not deemed an attack unless caused by a blockage, but they look and feel the same as a heart attack). After his second attack they determined he needed a second heart cath to make sure nothing was missed the first time. Still no blockages found. It was determined that he has myocharditis, inflammation of the heart caused by a viral infection. He was sent home wednesday. I stayed with him, have been off work for a week. I caught a bad cold in the meantime. We have had lots of support from family and friends. Norris is stable right now, other than being in pain where they did the heart cath.
So above was the wakeup call. But my reaction to it has been less than stellar. First I got a bad cold why? stress... but no doubt facilitated by a week of eating nothing but crap beforehand. In my head I know what I need to do, and want to do. Eat better so I can be healthy and in a better position to enjoy life and deal with the unexpected stuff life throws at me...but what am I doing?
Sneaking twizzlers, eating cookies that were brought over, all I want to do is escape by eating crap and more crap. Which is going to just tear down my immune system and mood even more. But my desire to be healthy is not winning out over my desire to crawl under a rock with a bag of oreos and never come out again. You would think that such a scary experience would motivate me to stop messing around and take care of myself. My husband is eating healthy, and policing everything I eat, which makes me want to sneak crappy food even more. STUPID CHILDISH BEHAVIOR!!!!!!!!!!! How do I get past this and start making good decisions!????!!!