Thursday, August 30, 2012
I have a half marathon coming up on Saturday morning and my heart is not into it at all. I'll run it but im just going through the motions because I already paid for it.
There is some serious stuff going down at work and the anxiety is killing me. We are dangerously close to a strike. I am hoping for a fair and reasonable settlement on both sides but no one is giving ground and I am losing faith that this will end well.
We are already setting up picket areas, signing up for strike duty, temp workers have been called in and there are strike trailers on the property. This is going beyond the usual contract bluster that happened in 2008. We are cleaning out our lockers and bracing for the worst.
I have done what I can, saved, and prepared but I still cant help but think about all the times I went out and enjoyed myself with the feeling that the money could have been used to help me in times like this and I really havent been extravagent at all but the guilt is there, especially my new bike. The one time I let my hair down and did something for me for a change. After about 8 months, the aluminum frame will start looking tasty.
I am praying for a temporary settlement so we can keep working.
it is so difficult to make good choices when my heart is being eaten alive with fear and worry, second guessing and asking did I do everything i could to make sure my family will be provided for, was I a good provider or was I a self centered middle aged wannabe with something to prove. I feel like i did the best I could but then I think about the voluntary overtime i passed up so i could be home instead of working 12's, I felt like I was making enough and wanted to be home and having a life rather than living in the pit. Now that it is looking all the world like the hammer is going to drop, I ask myself will my family suffer because of decisions I made, good faith or not?
Time will tell. We have until 11:59pm Friday.
I will run this Saturday, it will serve as a good distraction.