Thursday, August 30, 2012
For some reason I have always held a desire to make a contribution to the world......not necessarily to be reach and famous, but to make a mark somehow. I had settled on the notion that it was my "mission" to teach line dance. It seemed that I have had quite a few roadblocks in the last month with any progress in this. The line dance was also my chosen form of cardio, so I thought all this dovetailed nicely. However, I must admit, it all became too difficult and overwhelming for me. Prep time, travel time, as well as mental effort to learn the dances just seemed too time-consuming (and was not any exercise/cardio). Plus, I do not get support from my husband with my efforts, so this always seemed to be taking time away from the demands of family & home.
I also have always treasured the idea that I would be able to return to visit Denmark, maybe even live there for a month or so. To me this would involve studying the language, culture and geography as well as make preparation. Of course, this would be a significant expenditure. Since my husband has made it clear that he had no interest in this, I would be on my own or trying to include a friend in the trip.
It seemed as if my husband's goals/desires/plans/needs/pers
onality/spending choices/activity choices all took precedence over mine. This caused resentment, even fear. But, for some reason, these deeply held desires of mine started fading and I let his agenda become mine.
At first I thought this was all wrong. Now, I am wondering if my ambitions and wishes were a form of escapism and only served to distract me from what is the essence of the life that I have been given and chosen to live. Now they seem a little romantic, unrealistic, and based in fantasy.
Yesterday, I tried a Leslie Sansone DVD that I had bought. I did 60 minutes of the DVD and felt great afterwards. Of course, at home work-outs save time and money. It is also safer since we live in a rural area, and walking long distances away from home alone are not always the best idea. In the past I had found Leslie boring. But this one has popular music and more variety in movements. So I found it about right. The simplicity and convenience was really appealing. I actually felt quite enthusiastic about something that I had previously totally ruled out.
Not sure what possible solutions will evolve to meet my needs in this and other areas of my life. I guess it is wise to keep an open mind and to adjust. And maybe we need to reconsider our deeply held desires.