So I am trying to join this national honor society for jesuits.... I have to write an essay, complete the application and then get two letters of recommendation from people who will speak about how much I help people in the community.

And I thought to myself..... do I help people? I answered yes because I donate my time and money to church a lot, but other than that, do I really help my community out. And then it dawned on me that Sparkpeople is its own community. And i think its fair to say I've been a helpful person to some on here. I know not lately, but for two years prior to this hectic internship. Really this is my community far more than my actual community. I mean this is where I really "grew up" in my eating disorder, my journey to better health, and becoming a good role model by practicing what I preach about eating good foods and lots of water. My sparkians have listened when a moment of inspiration hit and consoled me when time were rough. You are my community. So I thought maybe someone here would want to write a letter of recommendation for me? No pressure, its okay if you dont want to; I thought I'd put it out there.

in other news, I have been pretty depressed about breaking up with this guy I was dating. I've been having a lot of thoughts about self-worth and that old creeping thought of "I'm not pretty because I am fat; I am not desirable because I am fat" has popped into my head more than a few times. I do stop that thought when it comes and re-frame my thinking. Being beautiful doesnt always mean on the outside, I have lost a ton of weight and I do look pretty (my figure is starting to appear, yes!) and most of all, the right guy is going to think I am beautiful regardless of my weight.

This breaking up thing as been a journey. I just hope next time its better. Internship is going well. I am super busy, but learning a million lessons about life. I'm over-worked and under-paid, but I think that I am being given the gift of experience. In a few weeks I am volunteering to counsel homeless people for a day. I am sort of excited about it because its a new population for me and as you all probably now, those who are homeless usually have something going on and need to talk to someone. And I get to be that someone!

Anything else? I am thinking of starting C25K again. I'd like to get back into running. I miss working out. And while it is most definitely true that I dont have the time between two jobs (about 60 hours a week), I think that this is important for my self-care. So, we shall see.

I hope everyone is doing well and I miss all of you~
Warrior On!
Sarah