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    CRZANGEL   25,386
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Selfishness

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Sometimes, you come across someone on here that just resonates with you, on a personal level. Whether it is because they have a story similar to you, or a great success, or maybe just because they said something funny. I think, for those of us that have been around here awhile, we kind of forget to go out and look for that inspiration.

Today I stopped by Yoovie's page (shout out, girl) because the title of her blog seemed interesting in my feed. And then I read about 5 of her blogs, her story, and all the other little anecdotes she has on her page. And I remembered why I had friended this girl in the first place. She's funny, witty, and sarcastic, and yes sometimes a bit coarse, crass, and all-around edge-walking. I remember a couple years ago when she was persecuted by a bunch of bible-thumping do-gooders who didn't like what she talked about in her blog.

Well, as Bridget Jones would say, Sod off.

Yoovie had a blog in which she responded to some rude comments (from a different site) about how girls who lose weight become stuck up. And you know what? She was 100% right. As a heavy girl, I was uncomfortable in my own skin and always trying to make amends for it. I was the tag-along best friend (READ: DUFF...you know what it means) and even though I wasn't ugly, I felt that way. I had a friend, my best friend, who probably like me because I went along with whatever she wanted. Meanwhile, I watched her go through men, some of whom I liked before they started dating her. They would then come to me, saying they should have dated me instead, etc etc etc. And I at least had enough dignity to not take sloppy seconds. However, I wanted to scream at them WHY DIDN"T YOU!?! But I knew the answer. It was because I was the DUFF and she was the skinny b*tch. You can be a b*tch if you're skinny. You can't be a fat b*itch, at least that is what we tell ourselves.

When I lost my weight, I slowly started to realize this. As Yoovie said, it was hard to get the fat me out of my brain and accept that I wasn't that girl any more. The weight in your head takes more time. You can cut calories and work out and watch the number on the scale go down, but there is no action plan for how to accept this change in your mind.

Anyway, I stopped dating guys just because they would have me. I started NOT giving my phone number to every guy that asked for it. I started cutting contact with people that felt toxic to me, for whatever reason. I started standing up for myself and what I wanted. Guess what? I'm a b*tch. Apparently that is all it takes.

It's a big mental shift, when you say "NO" to something you don't want to do, in favor of something even slighty selfish. A few weeks back, my boyfriend made a comment about me being selfish because I decided my psyche needed an afternoon to read on my deck instead of to go do something with him. He was joking about it, but I told him he was right. I WAS being selfish, just like he does sometimes. It wasn't an insult; It just meant my priorities were where they should be, and I was doing what I NEEDED to take care of ME.

Why is SELFISH a bad word? I think it's just a word, like any other, and can be used to describe something good OR bad. It's bad to hoard all of your cookies and not share one; HOWEVER, that doesn't necessarily make it good to give them all away, either. If everyone is happy but you, then I say they are all being selfish. However, you're the dumb one that gave away all of your cookies. Does keeping one cookie negate the 49 you gave away and make you bad? Hell no. It just means you were a little bit selfish enough to take care of you, too.

I think we have a tendancy to see health and weightloss the same way. We could work out all week, watch our calories like perfect, saint-style people, and then Friday have a few too many cocktails and it has 'undone' all of the hard work we did. Seriously? Did all that sweat and blood and tears just soak back into my skin? Nope. It's gone, I earned that. SP tracks your fitness minutes and your calories, and it doesn't reduce your minutes by excess calories.

Just my ramblings. :)
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IYA_EKUNDAYO 8/30/2012 1:14PM

    emoticon ! you said it all - so perfectly!

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MRS.NG.06 8/29/2012 9:24PM

    Rock on sistah! Very good observations to have...

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POORGIRL_DIET 8/29/2012 6:55PM

    I don't know who Yoovie is but she sounds right up my street! I have been attacked on my blogs before from Islamic bashers, in the end I had to leave the site for a year as I couldn't constantly handle their abuse. I am now back with a better mindset and intend to kick some spark butt if anyone gets in my way.

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SALONKITTY 8/29/2012 5:26PM

    I'm a new fan of Yoovie's and I know the blog post you're talking about here! I thought it was great. I also thought that this sort of attitude towards women who have lost weight sure is different from the attitude people have towards men who have dropped a bunch of weight! On a similar note, I think it's great that you can say NO to people and situations you don't want any part of. Congratulations...it's something a lot of us struggle with, whether we're fat or skinny. I think you and Yoovie are right that there is indeed a different dynamic that happens when you're the fat chick. Good for you for taking care of yourself and feeling like you're worth it. You are! We ALL are.... emoticon

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FATBASTICH 8/29/2012 5:11PM

    Good post, a lot to think about.

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FEMISLIM 8/29/2012 4:34PM

    You are totally right. Thanks for giving me a new perspective.
I will check out shout out, girl's page.

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