Tuesday, August 28, 2012
All right, my Sparkpeeps, my "motivation" has come back in the form of desperation. I have gained 10 pounds in the last month. I don't need to tell you how discouraging and painful this feels. I am not going to beat myself up, what's done is done, I'm leaving it behind me and focusing on the solution, rather than the problem.
Although, how is it that it goes on so much faster than it comes off? Oh yeah, I'm 44 and have metabolic syndrome/insulin-resistance/PC
OS! That means that I can eat the same sugar-laden high fat stuff as someone without all this body-chemistry mischegoss and they might gain something, but not as fast, and their body wouldn't hold on to that weight like my body holds on to it like it's my body's Yellow Night-Night.
(Wait, you didn't have a Yellow Night-Night? It was my security blanket that my mother threw away behind my back when after a few years of intense attachment it became a Gray Night-Night...and then she lied about it going to a farm or something. AND YOU WONDER WHY I SPENT SO MANY YEARS IN THERAPY, MOM!?!!!)
SO...I have to pull out the Big Guns that I'm loathe to use in general, because it's so hard for me the first three to four days. I am giving up refined white sugar and the things it's found in within the first five ingredients. I'm also going to avoid refined white flour (and maybe phase out wheat alltogether, but one thing at a time). Today is the first day.
I'm fine so far, I know that around 3:00pm my body is going to be screaming for a "treat", as it usually does. To counteract that, I'm running out at my lunch hour to pick up some red peppers and some hummus and that will be my snack. I'm also being pretty vigilant about my water today, it will help with the "detoxing" from sugar. I'm also bringing Ezekiel bread back into my life. I know what to do, I just need to do it.
I've had lots of experience with this, I am great at quitting sugar! I am terrible at STAYING QUIT. I have quit drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes, each one of those felt horrible to give up, but sugar by far is the hardest for me because historically, I can't go more than two months before giving in to it's siren call. I am not worrying about that right now, though, because I literally have to do this one day at a time, and all that matters is I don't eat sugar TODAY.
As far as exercise, I woke up early enough to do it this morning but chose to go back to sleep instead, where I promptly had a weird dream about buying Pyrex mixing bowls from Mitt Romney. I am committing here that when I get home from work, I am throwing on my workout gear and heading down to the Bad Ass Fitness Basement for 10 minutes at the very least.
Tyler has been up at UConn since Friday, and its still really weird and quiet around the house. I didn't realize how much noisy space he took up, and while it's kind of lonely, it's also kind of peaceful. Ryan isn't nearly as noisy. In fact, he's so quiet that when we all eat dinner together, it's kind of like an awkward first date. I know we'll adjust, but it's still really hard. I know I was eating my feelings of fear and sadness all weekend. I need to Face Everything And Recover rather than F**k Everything And Run. Simple concept but not an easy execution.
I'm also thinking that tracking everything and blogging more frequently is far more helpful than not. I'm sure I'll be whining until the sugar is out of my system, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.