Sunday, August 26, 2012
I've been missing in action again.. big surprise there. I am a disgusting failure. Lets recap.
I started an apprenticeship back in June. When I started it, I decided to make some brilliant decisions which included..... dropping out of therapy, blowing off my shrink, stopping my meds, oh, and GAINING 20 F*CKING POUNDS BACK. Fail... fail... FAIL!!! Ugh! I quit the apprenticeship yesterday. There was too much drama, too many backstabbers, and I couldn't afford the gas and babysitting fees I was encountering. So now I'm back to just my regular job that I'm getting paid for. And starting tomorrow, I have to get back in the health groove.
It started out so simple... a thirstbuster soda here, a little bit of Taco Bell there... which led into a pint of ice cream and a bag of chips a night... and lots of pizza... and soda... and candy... and pastries... freaking disgusting pig. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I stopped my medication which threw me back into depression, therefore I turned to food for comfort. In MASSIVE amounts. Obviously, considering I'm back in the 200s... grrrrrr. So frustrated! At least I've been able to identify what my problems is. Now I just have to start taking steps to fix them, even though I'm not quite sure how. I have absolutely no motivation left. My clothes are tight. I'm bloated. I have moon face syndrome. I swear I'm waddling...
Where to begin... how to begin... how can I find my motivation... help!