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Feline Physics

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Law of Cat Inertia - A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. 

Law of Cat Motion - A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. 

Law of Cat Magnetism - All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics - Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching - A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping - All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Refrigerator Observation - If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

Law of Electric Blanket Attraction - Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

Law of Random Comfort Seeking - A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy - All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. 

Law of Cat Embarrassment - A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Law of Cat Disinterest - A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. 

Law of Pill Rejection - Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. 

Law of Cat Composition - A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

Law of Cat Elongation - A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it. 

Law of Cat Obstruction - A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.

Law of Cat Acceleration - A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

Law of Dinner Table Attendance - Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. 

Law of Rug Configuration - No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

Law of Obedience Resistance - A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something. 

First Law of Energy Conservation - Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. 

Second Law of Energy Conservation - Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Law of Milk Consumption - A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can. 

Law of Furniture Replacement - A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Landing - A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

Law of Fluid Displacement - A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

And this one suggested by Spark Friend: GINNJEN1974

Law of Cat Therapy: A cat will find a non-cat-lover and make themselves at home on that person's lap.
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