Saturday, August 25, 2012
Whoohoo! I lost five more pounds this week. We should really call that the busy 5 pounds. This was the first week of school and I was a little frazzled trying to make sure all my ducks were in a row. I exercised yesterday and did some pool aerobics this morning and then going to the library to study this morning.
This morning I got up with a chant that has been there for a while. I have been very motivated to move and eat well. I am seeing results and I do feel better and lighter. But in the back of my head, there is this constant voice. It is saying, "What now? What now?....What now?" It is a slightly panicky voice. For the past couple of months, the things I have used to bury emotions have either been eliminated or have a weaker hold on me.
The emotional eating has decreased a lot, I don't have as much of an interest in TV or even books or movies (I blame the Expendables 2 on that. Cheesy!!) I still watch TV and read books (Kate Daniels series is GREAT!!) but I don't don't do it in the desperate manner of someone under attack by life. I pick things up if interested but I am less able to put up with bland, repetitive, uncreative entertainment. I am attempting to socialize once a week but that feeling that there should be something else is there.
A constant refrain is, "Is this what normal people are like?" As if there are normal people. But what am I supposed to be doing? I think there should be some overwhelming passion or calling that engages me but I have not found that yet. Or is this empty spot where all the family and relationship drama that I have been avoiding goes?
I am afraid of this issue because I fear it will derail me. That has happened before when I was doing well with exercise and I panicked when I realized it was time to socialize. Well I have dealt with that. Now this.
Maybe this is where creativity comes in. I have been negligent of taking care of my creativity needs in my enjoyment of exercise and better health. So maybe writing or drawing is the next step. If anyone has an opinion or similar experience, please let me know.