Where did the week go? Where did the month go? Where did the year go? Where did the last ten years go?
I dont know, but it isn't important. What IS important, is where am I going?
So where did that come from? Hmmm I dont know. I just see things different today. Let's start with my tracker. Same tracker I have been staring at for the last 8 months. But today it looks different. I have always seen it as my friend and not my foe. It is a clean slate every morning for new choices. But today, it just looks different. Let's explore why.
Hmmm I think because it was a crazy summer. I had days of going over, but not many. But some days, even while not going over calories, some of those days included not so good choices like wheat products. Even a bun would add inches to my waist. INCHES, I say, INCHES!! (and not just because my britches felt tighter, I did measured it) Wheat is a bad bad thing. Very bad thing. And it would take a week to get it back off!! That is a week of lost forward momentum. That seemed to go on all summer long. At the end of the month, when it was all said and done, I did lose some fat but I can't help but think how much farther along I could be right now.
Okay, so can't change that. But I can do better. So today, I am pre-tracking a few things, to see how the day is going to end, and I am pleased. I know what I need to do. I know where my macros need to be. I have a good grip on my hunger. I have a good grip on cravings. Most cravings now are things like nut butter. I measure it out, 1 or 2 TBL and that is it. I am satisfied. Sometimes I think if I just start off first thing with nut butter, I wouldnt have to have anything else for the rest of the day!
Ok, not realistic, but point is - by making smart choices, I still have calories and macros left for some of those little things that give me comfort and make me feel satisfied inside. Makes my day complete.
I have read some threads & blogs lately, people asking about tracking. Some have said they don't track because they do not want to be obsessed with it. And I get that I guess. Everyone has reasons for feeling one way or the other. But for me, at least for now, it is just part of my journey that will take me closer to my goal. It is something that I have to do for the better of my overall health just the same as keeping track of bank deposits for overall financial health. You just need to know where you stand and what you are working with and you just can't know that unless you keep track of what goes in and what goes out.
I think what feels different, is that I just feel in control. Total control. No one can force feed me and make me have something that I don't want. It is in my total control. And I am strong, I am armed with information, I am armed with knowledge, I am armed with the results of my own N=1 from the last 8 months, so I know what works and what doesn't.
It is just such a sense of freedom. Power. To know this is totally in my grasp and totally up to me and no one else. I can intermittent fast if I want, I can do a 24 hour fast or longer if I want, I can go into Ketosis if I want, I just have the ability to do all these nutritionally scientific type things in order to keep things shaken up and moving along. I can do one for awhile, and then switch when needed. No.Big.Deal It is a powerful thing.
I really love this person I am morphing into. And she has been here all along. I was getting dressed in front of the mirror the other day, something I use to NEVER do, and I was cinching up my belt, and my husband walked in, and he just smiled. He said my figure is really changing. And he has always been supportive of me, whether heavier or back when I was in the greatest shape of my life. That is when I first met him, so he has seen it all, and everything in between. And he has never once complained about any of it.
Okay, so anyways, let's don't go all mushy now. Point is that today, I just feel different. I added my exercise back in this week. Elliptical, tabata on my Elli. and ST. I have done some rearranging and reorganizing in & around my home in various spaces. I think the Feng Shui in my home is positive and aligned for great things. I have also remembered to thank God for the blessings in my life and to continue to give me the strength that I need & help me with the decisions and tasks at hand. I feel like all the puzzle pieces are coming together.