Friday, August 24, 2012
Damn and blast. It seems I've put on more weight than I'd care to admit, and now my jeans aren't fitting. *sigh* I'm going with some friends to go see Meatloaf tonight, and what started as a mid-closet angst over what I'm going to wear has morphed into a mid-closet cry because nothing fits. Okay, Universe? Not cool. Getting me all psyched because I was FINALLY losing weight, and then giving it all back? no no no, not acceptable. I cant' afford new clothes to accomidate this new weight so you can take it all back, kthx. And of course, I'm impatient as hell. I want to eat right TODAY and be back to my smaller self TOMORROW. Grrrrrrr. I realize that no one forced me to eat what I ate or to loaf around as I have loafed, but I'm still irritated as all hell. SO, that said... Aside from the fitting woes, I've realized that, thanks to being made to adhere to a strict khakis-n-polos work dress code, my wardrobe is severely lacking in Wicked Awesome Rock Goddess clothes. What is UP with that. while I work at taking off these pesky pounds that have crept back upon me, I should work on sewing myself some new goodies...
and oddly enough, even though I've put on weight, my red plaid pleated skirt is still too big. Hmm. Maybe I'll just tear that puppy apart and re-do it. *shrug*
And... and... I broke my desktop computer, so I'm currently internetting on the laptop Jonathan refurbished for me. The drawback here is that all my inspiration imagery is on my desktop, and the laptop seems to think I have a janky copy of Windows so it won't run many things. This means I can't get my login points because it won't load the spinner. It won't play videos, won't stream music, and won't let me get login points. Grrr.
All this weight angst is making me want to go out and ride my bike. I think I'll do just that.
EDIT: Someone please, please remind me to get the damn gears on my bike fixed before I take it out again! *lol* I have to pedal my brains out to get anywhere, and that isn't the greatest thing for my asthma. XD I get to a point where it feels like my lungs aren't completely filling up, and it makes me go into spaz mode. But I digress. I was so irritated with myeslf I got on my bike and rode the Riverwalk, which takes exactly 40 minutes from my apartment to the turnabout at the end near the traintracks. The trail goes off-road after that, and as I only have a beach-cruiser style bike, going off-road isn't in my best interests right now. heehee... anyway, the fronts of my thighs are giving me the side-eye, and I was so sweaty that I whipped my clothes off as soon as I got in the door to cool off. In my defense, it IS almost 90 degrees here right now. Note to self: buy a basket or a water-bottle holder for bike for mid-trip hydration. *grin* Anyway, aside from the atrocious road conditions where I live and trying to kill myself pedaling up that last hill before my apartment, it was enjoyable. Okay, save for that cute girl with minimal body-fat and thighs that have never touched jogging ahead of me a few times... it was enjoyable. *lol* Oh, and that other girl with the abs to die for that jogged past me in the other direction... her thighs were perfect as well. *snort* nah, I have no hate. While I know that I will never have perfect thighs and killer abs... I can aim for fit, strong thighs and a discernible waistline. :D I come from a line of short, stocky people. My mom was chubby as a youth and is fit as an adult, but has very little definition between waist and hips. She's small, but boy-shaped. My dad isn't fat, but has a beer pooch. My full sister Amy is my height but thick. My half sister Heather is chubby with no hips or butt, but has a good 6 inches of height over me. So yes, I'm fully aware I won't be thin or lithe, but dammit, I can be fit and strong. *fist to the sky*
ZOMG. I'm drinking an icy cold glass of water, and I just had a TON of condensation hit my bare legs... I AM AWAKE.
So... while typing this, Jonathan texted me how my day was. I told him I was giving myself a stern talking-to about not being able to button my jeans. He immediately calls me and gives me a stern but loving talking-to about giving myself a stern talking-to. *lol* He told me I'm never allowed to put myself down, call myself names, or mistreat myself in any way shape or form so long as there's breath left in my body. "darlin', you know I worry about you" he says to me. ^_^
Okay, I'm done screwing around. I have 2 hours to figure out what I'm wearing to the show tonight. Decisions decisions.