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Where Do I go?

Thursday, August 23, 2012

I'm struggling with this battle. I thought I was prepared to look the beast in the eyes and work on it. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but it's been even harder than I had anticipated. It's hard to write down everything you eat on a consistent basis. It's hard to look at the end of the day and see "Oh I 've done well today".....only to blow it minutes/ hour later. Writing it down seems so overwhelming. I'm not sure I am emotionally ready for this. But if not now when?

My anxiety and depression have been rearing their ugly heads and that's making things difficult too. I saw my Dr. today and he upped my mood stablizor so hopefully that will help. I have got to figure out where to go from here and also where do I go when things get hard.

Where do I go? I turn to the Lord and yet at the same time I go to the food. I so miss having the internet @ home. SP has always been my tool and it's made it hard not having access to it 24/7. But I do have the Lord 24/7 and I must put my hope and trust in him.

One friend mentioned journaling and I think I am going to try that approach as well. If any one has tips I am open.

On a positive note yesterday I did get a short walk in despite my pain levels being really high.

I'm so thankful for my friends! I really do love u!

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  • 40_4ME4FAMILY
    I think for me, writing down my foods is a way to be honest with myself good and bad. Also, after logging my foods for months...I found that the days I had bad days (binged) were still far better days than when I didn't calorie wise. I think it is super important to have an outlet. I think journaling is an awesome idea. I hope you figure out something that will help. I know I'm trying to figure out what will help me this time around. Hugs.
    2022 days ago
    Journaling & one day at a time seem like the best ideas I've heard - praying for you, Sister!


    2032 days ago
    I'm emoticon dear emoticon that you are struggling. Nola is right (I didn't know she was your mom--more cool family connections!) you are surrounded by people who care about you and support you emoticon emoticon emoticon

    As Mary mentioned, I learned long ago that tracking my food isn't for me, so I have found other tools that I can use and enjoy using. If a tool isn't working for you, especially if it makes you feel worse about yourself, put it aside! You can always pick it up later to try again, but find those little changes you can make in your behavior that aren't too hard, and can actually make you feel better!

    I find combining practical behavior changes with a daily spiritual practice to be extremely helpful. Deepak Chopra's book Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul has been very helpful in showing how changing our thinking and shifting our awareness can bring physical healing and nourish our spirits. Keep leaning on all your supports--heavenly & earthly both!

    Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon
    2032 days ago
    I too am sorry you're hurting, sweetie!

    Consider that every method doesn't work equally well for all people. I've tried food diaries in the past, but not for a long time. I don't stick with them very long and then spend a bunch of time beating myself up over not recording my food. Pretty counter-productive, right??

    Our team leader, Amanda, didn't do any food recording or weighing & measuring during the year plus that she lost 65 lbs....so it can definitely be done using other methods - she's a honest-to-goodness poster girl!

    Maybe food tracking isn't a very effective method for YOU. Maybe instead, you make a conscious effort to pause before starting to eat something and think - really think - about putting this in your mouth. Are you actually hungry? Can something else substitute at the moment?

    I had a horrible phone call with a program participant's DH this last week, and was so frustrated I was almost in tears when I hung up. All I wanted to do was find some chocolate!! But I remembered what someone on SP wrote in one of our threads - about going in the bathroom and doing some wall pushups to wake herself up in the afternoon, instead of turning to caffeine. So I did just that - I went in the ladies room, wiped my eyes, and did about 15 standing pushups against the wall. And you know what?? I was calmer when I finished, took some deep breaths, and was able to go back to work without screaming or biting anyone's head off. So I found a substitute way to blow off some steam, instead of eating. I may not make that choice ALL the time, but I know I CAN do it - cuz I HAVE!

    Keep your options open, sweetie - and work to find what works best FOR YOU. And know we're always here for you - and we love you just the way you are!!!!!!

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    2033 days ago

    I think that journaling is a wonderful, helpful idea. I'm sorry for your pain.

    blessings, Hope
    2034 days ago
    emoticon for sharing. I have updated my prayer card for you.
    emoticon Rest well tonight!
    2035 days ago
    Taking everything 1 day at a time is the only way to do it, that's how I do it.
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    2035 days ago
    I am always here for you my Dear Daughter. You are going to find the right approach for you. You are surrounded by love from both above and here. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2035 days ago
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