Thursday, August 23, 2012
Well, that was a bit of a gap! Got sick, then sicker... then Crusoe got sick... (excuses excuses)
How are you all going?
I have a little issue that I face EVERY night, that I want to share about...
I have this fear - it's a normal fear that most parents keep hidden deep inside - although those of you who aren't single parents may not have this as big (but what would I know?).
I fear that Crusoe will wake one morning and find me dead. A heart attack or stroke through the night. That he will have to face the trauma of being alone in the house with a dead mama, deal with that immediate concern by his little self, then of course have to deal with all the changes and adjustments to life without me...
Of course some children all over the world have had to face this and more. Of course Crusoe's journey would change but he'll get by. Of course, it's a horrible thought.
But it keeps me awake at night, with heart a-pumping - which makes it worse of course.
I have to rationally go through some relaxation, some thought processes, some HUGE trust, every night before I finally fall asleep. I have to sit with the uncomfortable sensations, observe them, live around them. It's a normal state for parents to have a degree of concern for their kids, born of that amazing love and protective spirit, but for me it's going a little overboard at the moment.
Frankly, I'd rather have a spider phobia.
But it IS motivating to continue my health goals!