Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Years ago the decision to eat better and go to the gym would have meant relapse, but today it means getting healthy. I spent so many years of my life starving and purging that after I had gotten over it I was afraid to try and keep track of anything I ate or to exercise in case it meant I was going to fall back into old habits when the going got hard. Being at a healthy place in my life opens up so many doors for me. I am now working out at a local gym 3-4 times a week and I don't worry about what everyone there thinks of my current body. I don't worry about sweat and being smelly and thinking that everyone is laughing when I turn my back. I can now go and do my thing in my own little world. It is an amazingly liberating feeling.
Also now that I am keeping track of what I eat I am so thankful for the way my grandmother feed my sister and I. Vegetables were considered the most amazing thing to eat at my house. We would raid the garden as children and that led to a life long love of vegis. It makes it so much easier now to choose a piece of celery or a tomato over a bag of chips. Eating vegis reminds me of home and being a child.
I do worry often that I will be unable to keep up with this process, but now that I have to pay money for the gym (I am quite frugal) I know that I will be more willing to go so I "get my moneys worth" out of it. Knowing myself well has given me the ability to choose habits I know I can stick with. Hopefully it will lead to a healthier me!