Climbing my way out of the abyss to appreciate the beauty around me

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

First - I want to thank all of SP for the kind and uplifting words left yesterday. I was so sad I just didn't know how to get out of it. Writing about it made it easier and getting the views of others made me realize that I did the right thing. Even though it wasn't the easy way, it was the RIGHT way.

Today I got up and every part of me hurt. My bones ache and my ankles won't bend. I know it is my RA and it always flares up when I'm upset. I called and tried to make an appointment with a new rheumatologist but was told (seriously - the chick on the phone said this) "the doctor won't waste her time reviewing you file if your last labs were more than 2 years old." Well, I certainly wouldn't want her to waste her time on something as trivial as a patient!

And somehow, the absurdity of that moment made things better. No - I'm still ticked off at the receptionist - but the fact that a doctor would find reviewing a 2-year old chart before ordering new labs to be a waste of time was so rediculous that it made me laugh out loud. (The receptionist was not amused.)

Then I went to the window and there in the yard was a little spotted fawn and its mama. Mama was none too happy that my big lazy cat was on the porch and she started stomping her feet at him. (Harold - who is 17 pounds and really is a giant mush) actually yawned at her. That seemed to make her even more indignant. Perhaps that yawn said "I don't want to waste my time reviewing your existence" or something similar.

Outside, the hummingbirds were at the feeder my husband hung up yesterday and the ladybugs were buzzing. How can I be sad when there is so much beauty around me?

The other legal assistants who allowed fraud to go on may be working, but they aren't happy. What I have is true happiness. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and I live in a place where a little spotted fawn and its mama come have breakfast at our apple trees. I have a garden that gives me peace and feeds my family. I have a house that we are slowly turning into the place we will grow old in. Hopefully it gets 'finished' before we reach that 'old' part!

Life is good. All of this extra stuff is just a speed bump. I've applied for 3 jobs and have hope.

And now - I'm going to finish my coffee and go make pickles!

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