The last week, I've felt pretty good about myself. I have this general sense of well being and serenity that is so strange to me. I'm content. I'm happy. I'm in control again (thank goodness).

Mr. Moose and I were discussing the abs diet last night. I don't want to be all, "Wooo hoooooooo The abs diet is PERFECT. OMG, EVERYONE NEEDS TO DO THIS!!!" Because it's not true. The abs diet is not for everyone. Maybe I should just drop the name of it and say "this way of eating," which also seems a little disingenuous to me too because that's the new euphemism for diet. Maybe I'll go with "weight loss plan." It's honest, it's clear and it's ambiguous about what, exactly I'm doing, right? Right.

So, Mr. Moose and I were discussing this weigh loss plan last night. I do think it's a big part of why I'm feeling better about everything. And to be fair, when I look at what I'm eating now compared to what I was eating a year ago when I was successful just following the SP daily guidelines and not a published diet, I'm not eating that differently at all. Meals, snacks, carb, calorie, fat and protein counts? I'm hitting all the same points. Well, except I think I might be eating more now...

I just needed someone to make it even easier for me and give me menus.

Which SparkPeople will do for you.

So anyway, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling like I'm in control. I'm not even craving a crispy (aka fried) chicken sandwich this week. In fact, I'm craving NOTHING at all. Except maybe a bit of exercise.

And even the bit of exercise I got yesterday (walked to the dentist and back) helped me feel even better and less cravey. (fine, cravey is not a word.)

So what changed? Was it my revelation in the dentist's chair that I'm worth it? Was it the anger I generated at myself for believing I wasn't? Was it the visit to the podiatrist to get my feet issues resolved so I can run again? Was it the walk?

Is it the fact that I'm eating normal, tasty food and not feeling deprived and hungry?

I don't feel like I'm on a diet. I kind of feel like I'm all grown up and acting like an adult.

I feel like I've crossed a line and left those negative voices behind. I feel like I'm no longer the girl who wasn't worth it. I'm the woman who IS worth it and it feels pretty amazing

I wish I could put this into better words. I wish I knew how to explain it. Or give directions to get here (because I'll need it later).

I'm still disappointed that I've missed out on so much by thinking I wasn't worth it. But I'm not going to wallow in that. I might even see about taking surfing lessons in Mexico when we go. But between now and then, I'm just going to focus on getting better and healthier and sticking with the plan.

Have a wonderful day everyone.