Feeling Utterly Defeated...
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
I’m so depressed. I’ve been deeply depressed for about 14 years now, but since March, I had been feeling SO much better. I started a new medication called Viibryd and it was like taking off dark sunglasses… the world looked completely different because I was so happy, finally. However, in the past two weeks or so, I’ve become increasingly depressed and it is almost too much to handle. I am doing all that I can to pull myself out of it, but I’m still so unhappy. My friends have been a great source of comfort, but I can’t seem to shake this depression.
One possible cause for the worsening depression could be that I’ve been ill for the past two months or so, and I haven’t kept much down, including my medication. Not having a steady dose in your system can really mess with your head, so I’m guessing it has to do with that. Another possible cause is that I decreased the dose of one of my medications. I take 40 mg of Viibryd and I was trying to wean myself off of Wellbutrin XL (under my doctor’s supervision). I started taking 150 mg rather than 300 mg about a month ago, so it could also be the cause of some of the depression. Finally, my ex and his girlfriend moved to the tiny town that I live in, and I see them often now. I wish it affect me at all, but wishing doesn’t make it not so. It’s embarrassing to admit that I care at all. I mean, I don’t want him back in my life in any capacity, not even as a resident of the same town, but the anger, bitterness, hatred and sadness that his past behaviors caused have been resurfacing. I feel stupid and pathetic and utterly defeated.
Any words of encouragement would be welcome. I need to overcome this depression.