Tuesday, August 21, 2012
So while watching tv last night I broke down crying during an episode of Batman. Earlier I broke down crying while cutting the grass. Why all the crying all of a sudden?
After years of suppressing my emotions they have found me. I am so happy but still sad so is this crazy?
how can you be this happy and sad at the same time?
My sadness comes from being scared I would lose this battle. I am so scared I will wake up fat again. I am scares I will give up on myself again.
I keep reminding myself how great I am doing and how happy I am. I alos remind myself that I didn;t get fat overnight and it won't come back over night. God I am scared of getting it all back.
So I cried in bed last night and after I was done I looked around and saw all was okay. Having feeling will not kill you but NOT dealing with feeling has been killing me slowly.
Today I got up and rode my bike ate my breakfast and went to work. I have had a great day and I have so much to be grateful for. I biked home and prepared a healthy dinner for myself and my family. I had the kids help me so you can imagine how much fun that was. Old catherine would not have been able to deal with 4 kids with her in the kitchen but new Catherine loves watching her children discovering the love of good food.
So do i have any words of wisdom.....no, just feel your feelings, as hard as they may be they are so important. Not dealing with my feelings is what got me into this position.
Have a great day everyone.
PS Remember we are all in this together.