A few months ago, I was walking in a store and I caught myself in the mirror. I always had this image of myself as I will never let myself get *THAT* fat. In my denial, I could allow myself to ignore and live in my own fantasy as long as I wasn't as fat as this horrible image.
Then I passed this mirror and I am *THAT* FAT. I mean I am fatter than *THAT* fat.
Since then I have been actively trying to deconstruct my perceptions.
Luckily I was able to meet a wonderful woman who offered to be my health coach through this and I know I am ready because over the past few months I have been trying to make small changes, eating less X, drinking less soda, eating less sugar/chocolate.
Educating myself about fast food. I want to feed my body -- food. Not just stuff this temple I have been given with emptiness, lack, and processed stuff forcing my temple to attack and change to save itself -- from me, from the junk I feed it.
Today is my second health coach visit and the first time I have to own up to the missed opportunities and less than optimal choices. I want to use this time in my life, this new found love and respect of my temple with the guidance and support of friends, my health coach and make this work this time.
I ended up at a yoga meditation and the guy wanted me to help out and do asanas, be the "model". I felt honored. But had I been my healthiest, instead of a sub-par substitute, I could have been a rocking energy model person for this class.
I want to honor the gifts I have been given. I want to be a clean temple.
I want to follow my intuition and the intution of the soul, god, goddess, spirit.
I attached the picture of me in the middle of the yoga meditation, in red.
For the first time there is no doubt, fear or struggle.
It will happen.
I am love.
I am support.
I am happy :D ness.