Days never quite go like you plan, but I'm learning to go with the flow. It's an ongoing process. I've decided time is not me enemy, only a bit of a challenge. Keeping a handle on my "top 3" tasks for the day has been helpful and some days I haven't picked any, I've allowed myself knowingly to just go with the flow... what gets done gets done. Those days have been fine too. It all about keeping the balance between them.
I've really tried to follow Kaligirl's "AWAKE! ALIVE! AWARE! and Appreciative of ALL that IS" I have to look up the order of that everytime I use it though. go figure. Amazing how what you focus on is what you get. Is everyday perfect? Well, yes, in it's own way it is, even if I'm not agreeing with that. Maybe it has something to do with my age too. All the stuff I've been reading says that this heightened awareness, this vibrant energy, this need to question and to challenge while finding balance is all normal. More importantly, it's all GOOD! How many generations have fought ourselves, fought every natural change we go through whether it be puberty, menopause or old age.
You've heard me mention other resources that help me on this journey, some of you have been the source for me to find them:
The Wisdom of Menopause (c. northrup)
and many others. These along with you and SP have helped me start to "reshape and retool" myself. That doesn't mean there was anything wrong with me in the first place. I'm just growing into what I'm meant to be, what I can be. I've soared many times in my life, found that groove, and I feel like I'm on my way again.
A quote I read earlier this week about being depressed when I live in the past, anxiety when I live in the future and peace when I live in the present is pretty much true. I have realized that I am definitely going through a flux right now. I can fight it or I can flow with it. I already knew, but now feel sure, that fighting it, ignoring it or trying to pacify it is the less beneficial path to travel. I need to feel it and embrace it, I need to let it run it's course so I can learn and feel full and satisfied - like no food can give.
Focusing on the present, on kindness, on gratitude and on me have really helped me beginning moving into a place I really am liking. I don't know everything it will hold, I am aware there may be drastic changes. Some of those changes might be life changing, earth shattering and terrifying. That's ok. I'm doing my best to set myself up for success, so that when I hit the wall, when the challenges seem to big, that I have my plan in place so that I can make it through successfully. And you guys all know by now that you are such a big part of that.
I'm hoping one day I'll be brave enough to start meeting some of you face to face. I've even been considering putting a real picture of myself on SP. What a step forward for me! I have to stop fearing being my authentic self because it might offend someone. I've come to realize - that would be their choice right? I know now that's why, in my day to day, face to face life, I seem to attract people and things I wonder about, people who I think aren't a good fit and I wonder why they think I am. I finally realized I'm too guarded for lack of a better term. I think it makes it too easy for them to see what they want to see in me - see me as who THEY want me to be. That's one of my next challenges - authenticity face to face. I've achieved it online, now I need to in the real world.
My friend Erikataurus has this quote posted on their page and I think it summed it up for me and gave me the push I needed. "I think the reward for conformity is everyone likes you but yourself." - Rita Mae Brown.
My top 3 for today:
Last few things from town
send in the forms I filled out
do the garden
AND THEN OFF TO THE LAKE TO WATER THE GRASS SEED WE PLANTED. What a great excuse for another couple of days at the lake! Come Sept, both my kids are in school again and are looking forward to it. I figure this year I'll have a little less running around to do and they are a little more independent (I may have this all wrong, but I'm thinking it might be so) sooo all those other things can just wait. I realized that if I died today, I really wouldn't care about how clean my house was, how weed free the garden was, but I WOULD care about how may hugs I gave to and got from my kids, I would care about the quiet times and all that kind of stuff. So that's what I'm doing. I read somewhere this week (I think it was one of Kaligirl's links) that said we need a minimum of 4 hugs a day to stay balanced and happy. That's my goal to give at least 4 hugs a day, because I'm not so dumb.... if I give a hug, I'm pretty sure that by the end of it, I'll have received on as well.
So here you go... 4 hugs just for you. You'll have to imagine the squeeze, but
Namaste my friends, CJ