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Old Jewish Catskill Humour - Part 2.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

1. The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.

2. There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.

3. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

4. Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie?
A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes."

5. Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.

6. Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favourite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdale's.

7. A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you? "Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because; I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

8. A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it?
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

9. Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner.

10. Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."

11. Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.

12. Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said "Lady I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself," she replied.

13. Q : What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

14. Q: Why are Jewish Men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

INFLATED 8/24/2012 12:39AM

    LOL at these while my husband is sleeping.

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PHEBESS 8/22/2012 9:12AM

    Oy!!

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GOANNA2 8/22/2012 7:18AM

    Love them all, especially the Princess one. emoticon

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GAYLLYNNE 8/22/2012 7:11AM

    Some more of my favorites!! How can you not laugh at these!! Priceless!!!

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MARYELLEN301 8/21/2012 8:20PM

    Though she wasn't Jewish we lost another great one yesterday when Phyllis Diller died at 95. I saw her once in person and she was a riot. That was on a Friday night. Sunday there was an Ed Sullivan special on commemorating some sort of anniversary of his program. They were featuring acts that he was instrumental in making famous. They had excerpts of not only Elvis and the Beatles but of Phyllis Diller. She used the exact same lines THEN as I'd heard two nights before. They were STILL funny and clean to boot. I wonder what our kids and grand-kids will mourn the loss of when they are our ages?

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PEGGYO 8/21/2012 3:38PM

    emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 8/21/2012 2:55PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EFFIEANNIE 8/21/2012 12:49PM

    You made me laugh today. Thank you!!

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SAINTBETH 8/21/2012 12:02PM

    Good ones! Oyveh!

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LITTLEWIND53 8/21/2012 10:02AM

    ow

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