Tuesday, August 21, 2012
I wrote about friendships and how I was struggling quite awhile ago, truth is: I'm still feeling alone and I'm still struggling. I have never upped my exercise from 10 minutes a day. And let's be honest here, 10 minutes a day probably does jack, right? Yeah, I'm doing 10 minutes more a day than I would be otherwise, but still!
I'm still not mindful of what I'm eating and the truth is, I've gained 10 pounds back from my last weigh in 2 weeks ago. Getting on the scale this morning was a real eye opener for me. What the hell am I doing to myself? Why am I not doing what I need to be doing?
Somewhere recently, I've lost my way. I've lost my drive and I am sabotaging all my progress. Today I stop. Today I start believing in me. I am worth this and I can do it.
I am not alone. I have you. I have my husband. I have my family. With your help and theirs, I am going to do this. I know it.
Last week, we learned my husband is legally blind. We also learned that there is nothing for them to do. It doesn't change who he is. And it doesn't change who we are. We've always known he might lose his eyesight, but in the back of our minds or at least mine, we had hope. I am okay with him losing his sight, it has no bearing on my feelings for him. I don't want you (general you) to think I'm not complaining, I'm really not. I always knew what his condition was and that it would progress. What I'm really struggling with is that I just don't know what my role should be. I want to be home. That's where I feel I belong. I just don't know if it can work long term.
Anyway, my weight today was 252.6. I absolutely was shell-shocked. I knew I had gained weight, but THAT much? Ugh! I refuse to change my ticker just yet. I'm giving myself a week before doing that and accepting a number.
Let's see what I can do in a week.