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Truth time

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I wrote about friendships and how I was struggling quite awhile ago, truth is: I'm still feeling alone and I'm still struggling. I have never upped my exercise from 10 minutes a day. And let's be honest here, 10 minutes a day probably does jack, right? Yeah, I'm doing 10 minutes more a day than I would be otherwise, but still!

I'm still not mindful of what I'm eating and the truth is, I've gained 10 pounds back from my last weigh in 2 weeks ago. Getting on the scale this morning was a real eye opener for me. What the hell am I doing to myself? Why am I not doing what I need to be doing?

Somewhere recently, I've lost my way. I've lost my drive and I am sabotaging all my progress. Today I stop. Today I start believing in me. I am worth this and I can do it.

I am not alone. I have you. I have my husband. I have my family. With your help and theirs, I am going to do this. I know it.

Last week, we learned my husband is legally blind. We also learned that there is nothing for them to do. It doesn't change who he is. And it doesn't change who we are. We've always known he might lose his eyesight, but in the back of our minds or at least mine, we had hope. I am okay with him losing his sight, it has no bearing on my feelings for him. I don't want you (general you) to think I'm not complaining, I'm really not. I always knew what his condition was and that it would progress. What I'm really struggling with is that I just don't know what my role should be. I want to be home. That's where I feel I belong. I just don't know if it can work long term.

Anyway, my weight today was 252.6. I absolutely was shell-shocked. I knew I had gained weight, but THAT much? Ugh! I refuse to change my ticker just yet. I'm giving myself a week before doing that and accepting a number.

Let's see what I can do in a week.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    We've talked about this and you know my thoughts. I am still so sorry about the hubby but I know you both will find a way to manage. I know it is a confusing and hard time but I am here darlin. However, I wish I lived around the corner rather than across the country. Love you, hang in there and stay strong my dear friend. You are amazing, even when you are feeling down and out. Don't sweat the 10 lbs, you still got this.

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    2039 days ago
    OH MY GOSH!! I feel like I could have written those first three paragraphs. Oh, and the last two as well!! I so understand what you are saying. I don't even feel like I know me right now and I definitely miss the me that was on a roll a year and a half ago!!! You sound like you are going through quite a bit right now though. You also sound like you are getting back on the right track despite it all. That is fabulous, be proud of yourself!! I also think that 10 minutes of exercise, for now, is wonderful. emoticon Keep up the good work and add what you can, when you can....you'll be back where you were before you know it. Best wishes!!!
    2039 days ago
    I too had gotten a bit off track...I was off 4 days and had a gain of 7lbs--total false gain, so keep that in mind. I have been perfect for the past 3 days and am only up 3, so most of the 10 will prob go quickly for you!!
    2039 days ago
    So sorry about your husband, you are worth it. emoticon emoticon
    2040 days ago
    I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I know you can do POWERFUL things this week to get you weight back down to your ticker weight. Believe in yourself and fight for what you want :)
    2040 days ago
    Yes, you are worth it!!!! For yourself and your family...YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!
    And yes, 10 minutes is better than nothing. You know from experience that you can do more, so you can build on the 10 minutes, add 1 minute a day and even if you stay at 11 or 12 minutes you are still moving forward.

    I'm sorry about your husband. It will take some adjusting to your life of course, but you have each other and you love each other, that's way more than a lot of us have, so treasure that.

    And remember....YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2040 days ago
    You are worth it and if you have to tell yourself this over and over do it! Until you believe it! It's not easy but just like believing negative things you're told over and over again and believe , it works with positive too.
    I'm so sorry about your husband. My cousin has been legally blind since she was 10 due to Marfan's syndrome and while she does struggle with some day to day things, she has a rich full life and doesn't let it define her.
    I think you'll find you have friends here to help. Even if it's just to tell you emoticon .
    Believe in yourself, it's a small step, but small steps truly add up to some amazing things. And those ten minutes of exercise are great, no matter what you may think, it means somewhere deep inside you DO know you're worth the time and effort. And remember, as much as you'd like the pounds to melt away tomorrow, it's not a race, it's your life and changing your life takes time.

    2040 days ago
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