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Catholic Vocabulary List!!!!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012






This information is for Catholics only. It must not be divulged to non-Catholics. The less they know about our rituals and top secret code words, the better off they are.


AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.


BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.


CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.


HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.


HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.


RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.


INCENSE: Holy Smoke!


JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.


JONAH: The original 'Jaws' story.


JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.


KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (for you non-Catholics it means Lord have mercy)


MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.


MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)


PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.


PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.


RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.


RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.


TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.


USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.


emoticonfor those of you who aren't Catholic.....now you know our secrets!!!


emoticonMary Anne
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