Monday, August 20, 2012
Have you ever had the bad fortune to have all of your 'couple' friends falling apart at the same time? Marital problems for all of them. The only ones not struggling right now are Dave and I.
These are people who we have spent countless hours and days with camping, laughing, grilling, and just being with. They are honorary aunts and uncles to our kids. I care more about what happens with them than with many members of my own family so it's been difficult to try to be supportive and optimistic while watching them all unravel.
We spent a great evening Friday night with 1/2 of each of the 3 couples, the other halves either being at home or at work. Lots of laughs, good times. Sat morning, I head out to grab breakfast with 1 of the couples and the wife from another one. I mentioned that the husband from the 3rd couple had stayed the night before until almost midnight and suddenly things got weird. I couldn't figure out what I had said or done but the vibe was there.
We all ended up back at our house and when the wife of the couple that was there left to drive the other wife that had come to breakfast home, the husband of the couple confessed to Dave and I that his wife had been having an affair with the husband of the couple that was not there that day. The one I had mentioned at breakfast. There is huge back story and history between all of these people as they were a group of friends that I 'inherited' when Dave and I met.
Never in all of my life could I have even imagined that I would be standing in my home, watching one of my closest friends fall to pieces and cry because his wife, one of my closest friends, had been having an affair with another of our closest friends, who is also married. He pulled himself together before she got back and Dave and I simply pretended we knew nothing because, what do you do in that situation and we were both rather stunned.
Dave and I have spent the rest of the weekend swinging between sadness because our circle of friends will NEVER be the same again to disappointment because, what were they "thinking" to disgust and anger.
I am left with the knowledge that one of my closest friends who I thought had been open with me had omitted this entirely from all of our conversations. While I have been vocal in my derision for people who commit adultery, I was a wife who was cheated on, I can imagine she felt I might judge her but it hurts me that she didn't trust my friendship after years and years of closeness.
I can't pretend I don't know, it simply feels dishonest but I don't know how to let her know that I know. At the same time, I am a bit apprehensive that my daughter will find out because she doesn't forgive easily. She has a soft spot for her 'uncle'-he even took her for her driver's ed test so she could get her license and then turned her loose with his car immediately afterwards so she could have fun. When she was being threatened at the school bus stop before we moved out of the city, he was the one sitting in his car at 7am watching her at the bus stop to be sure no one was hassling her for weeks. She will never forgive his wife which will make get-togethers that much more awkward. And how do you explain to your kids, even the almost grown ones, this kind of debauchery?
I am heartsick today, very little sleep last night again. My dear friend's face as he cried and cried (he is a very macho guy-I didn't ever think I would see him cry) keeps running through my head. How do I be there for all of my friends? Such a mess.