Ever wish your body would change as soon as you were done with a hard workout? I know I have those days. I'll work my butt off on the treadmill or fitness bike, jump to the weights AND do my ab workout, then I'll walk over to the mirror and wonder just what in the world is wrong with my body!
Why hasn't it changed?!
Why don't I have a 6 six pack yet?!
Why do I still have love handles?!
Lordy, is that muffin top STILL there?!
I'm sweating like I just got done doing a marathon, my body is exhausted....WHERE ARE MY RESULTS?!
As I'm sure a lot of you amazing people know, I've been going through a lot. Every area of my life has shaken me to the core in so many ways. I guess I'm not dealing with it as well as I originally thought and my eating this weekend has definitely shown that. Friday = bad, Saturday = VERY good (plus exercise!) and Sunday = VERY bad (exercised despite feeling like crap). When I say bad, I mean the following:
1 Belgian Waffle
4 Pieces of Turkey Bacon
4 Pieces of Hawaiian Pizza
All of that in 1 day.
I was hard on myself in the gym tonight, perhaps too hard. I may have even over did it. I guess I just don't know how else to deal with my issues and I feel like I'm right back to square one with my emotional eating. It's so crazy because in the past when I would emotionally eat, I'd always catch myself, acknowledge why I'm overeating and do it anyway. The last couple of weeks however, has shown me that you can emotional eat and not even realize it until the food is gone. I'm trying to numb the pain, sadness, frustration, anger, and most of all, the FEAR.
I'm not using the issues in my life to excuse my emotional eating. I know what I've done and I'm sure the scale will show me when I weigh in on Wednesday, but just once, I'm going to give myself permission to deal with things instead of going right back to my old patterns. I'm just going to have to be a crybaby for a while until I let things go and process them in a healthy way. If I get depressed, then I'll just have to let myself be depressed for a while. I need to feel these emotions instead of just bottling them in because before I know, I'll be right back to sneaking food into my room and eating tons of it.
I just wish my healing would happen faster.