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Monday, August 20, 2012

Ever wish your body would change as soon as you were done with a hard workout? I know I have those days. I'll work my butt off on the treadmill or fitness bike, jump to the weights AND do my ab workout, then I'll walk over to the mirror and wonder just what in the world is wrong with my body!

Why hasn't it changed?!
Why don't I have a 6 six pack yet?!
Why do I still have love handles?!
Lordy, is that muffin top STILL there?!

I'm sweating like I just got done doing a marathon, my body is exhausted....WHERE ARE MY RESULTS?! emoticon

As I'm sure a lot of you amazing people know, I've been going through a lot. Every area of my life has shaken me to the core in so many ways. I guess I'm not dealing with it as well as I originally thought and my eating this weekend has definitely shown that. Friday = bad, Saturday = VERY good (plus exercise!) and Sunday = VERY bad (exercised despite feeling like crap). When I say bad, I mean the following:

1 Belgian Waffle
Egg Whites
4 Pieces of Turkey Bacon
4 Pieces of Hawaiian Pizza

All of that in 1 day.

It's ridiculous.

It's shameful.

I was hard on myself in the gym tonight, perhaps too hard. I may have even over did it. I guess I just don't know how else to deal with my issues and I feel like I'm right back to square one with my emotional eating. It's so crazy because in the past when I would emotionally eat, I'd always catch myself, acknowledge why I'm overeating and do it anyway. The last couple of weeks however, has shown me that you can emotional eat and not even realize it until the food is gone. I'm trying to numb the pain, sadness, frustration, anger, and most of all, the FEAR.

I'm not using the issues in my life to excuse my emotional eating. I know what I've done and I'm sure the scale will show me when I weigh in on Wednesday, but just once, I'm going to give myself permission to deal with things instead of going right back to my old patterns. I'm just going to have to be a crybaby for a while until I let things go and process them in a healthy way. If I get depressed, then I'll just have to let myself be depressed for a while. I need to feel these emotions instead of just bottling them in because before I know, I'll be right back to sneaking food into my room and eating tons of it.

I just wish my healing would happen faster.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    OMG you know I can relate girl. I def can be an emotional eater. Especially lately. I have eaten like crap the last few weeks cuz I've been depressed and had a 'whatever' attitude. But I know I can't give up and neither can you. You haven't done horribly, you're dealing with real life and this is what real life looks like. Now if you just threw everything to the side and said 'eff it all' then that would be different. You fall then you pick yourself back up. Which is why I love ya! Your attitude is still great when you think about it cuz you're not giving up. Hang in there girl. You're def not alone!
    1915 days ago
    "I just wish my healing would happen faster." Me, too. I find this poem by Rumi comforting:

    "This being human is a guest house.
    Every morning a new arrival.

    "A joy, a depression, a meanness,
    some momentary awareness comes
    As an unexpected visitor.

    "Welcome and entertain them all!
    Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
    who violently sweep your house
    empty of its furniture,
    still treat each guest honourably.
    He may be clearing you out
    for some new delight.

    "The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
    meet them at the door laughing,
    and invite them in.

    "Be grateful for whoever comes,
    because each has been sent
    as a guide from beyond.
    -RUMI -

    I move slowly... with dignity and grace... patiently trusting my heaviness.

    I, too, am welcoming and entertaining all my feelings... and then some... though the ones who barge in, kick off their boots, light up cigars, and settle in on my sofa in their under shirts, while they scratch repulsively and pick their teeth... UGH!... these are much harder to welcome... but treat them honourably I will.

    Check out' Refuse to Fall Down'

    May today and every day bring to you a ridiculous abundance of whatever you need. May all your concerns, struggles, anxieties and fears fall like ashes as you rise on eagle's wings, SOARING above all that would hinder you along this tremendous adventure of being and becoming all you are created to be. May the grace of God simply "overtake" you moment by moment. May the joy and victory of the risen Lord be yours in a very personal way... may you always be overwhelmed by the grace of God, rather than by the cares of life!

    {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}
    1915 days ago
    You know me and analogies....well here's another one....so I apologize in advance..
    Life can be like a hurt we put a bandage on to heal, we try to protect our hearts by covering it up. But sooner or later we need to remove that bandage, because we need to air our hurt. And it may leave a scar but that too will eventually start to fade. It takes time. YOU may always see it. And it make be a little more sensitive than other parts of our lives ... but it will become invisible to others...
    if you stop scratching it and let it heal.
    Embrace the happiness yet to come in your life by letting go of painful memories.
    1916 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/20/2012 8:08:59 AM
    Baby steps, darlin, baby steps. emoticon We first learn to crawl before we walk, and even when we start walking we fall down sometimes. U are doing BEAUTIFULLY in ur healing process! Its gonna take time tho. U are doing well by accepting things for what they are, by allowing urself to FEEL the fear or depression. Its very scary, I know, but emoticon U have come this far....theres no turning back! I have faith in u, my luv, even if u dont!
    Love u so much emoticon
    1916 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1916 days ago
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