Sunday, August 19, 2012
School is starting for our kids tomorrow and as a teacher I am challenged with creating a safe, happy, learning environment for some very precious and challenging students.
I could tell you that I just don't feel READY to start another school year. I could tell you how many doubts I have about my ability to meet the needs and demands that will face me. BUT . . . while those things would be true - sorta - they would not tell you the whole story. I have always and only ever wanted to be a teacher - to share my wonder of learning with others. I have a;ways only ever wanted to do a GREAT job as a teacher and to NEVER settle for good enough. I ALWAYS doubt myself. I always worry that my best will not be good enough . . . much less GREAT. I compliment, praise, encourage others in part because I want to feel complimented, praised and encouraged. I try hard and am always second guessing myself. I worry that my best will never be good enough to heal the hurts and to heal the damage that my students come in with.
I am intentionally setting time aside during my day to take the time to be grateful, to praise and thank God for His bounteous gifts and His love. He has modeled His love for us and now it is MY time to show through my actions and thoughts a positive reflection of what HE modeled for me. I am called for this task and I keep demuring that, I am not really good enough, you must want someone else, NOT ME. I have tried to hide under a bushel and to sneak out the back door so nobody could expect MORE of me than I thought I had to give - the reality is that God keeps re-calling me and insisting that I CAN do it. I guess that my goal this year is to do it with grace and gentleness as best I can.
I KNOW I do this job as well and often better than anyone else who has been in this position and I think it is time to accept the responsibility that comes from knowing what is right and simply doing what I can - IT WILL BE ENOUGH - there is nobody else to do it in this time or place.