Sunday, August 19, 2012
I am so irritated, and it involves my step kids and their biological mother. I am so tired of being the "bigger" person... So, I need to vent my frustrations to avoid doing or saying something stupid. There really isn't another place to say anything, as my kids are on my Facebook and Twitter, and I refuse to wrap them up in drama. So, anyway..
My two (step) boys live with my husband and I full time. I have raised them as my own and have had them in my care for almost ten years. My husbands ex walked out on the boys when they were 3 and 5 years old, and have been basically non-existent in their lives for the most part. It truly baffles me that she could walk out on two such beautiful babies. She only sees them on holidays and birthdays and basically occasions that she "has" to see them. There is no set schedule as to when she sees them or not, she just takes them when she feels like it. It is pretty crappy for the kids, and going into this relationship, I never intended on being their mother. I went into this thinking, I will just be their friend, and I won't force any sort of parent-like relationship with them. They will turn to me if necessary. Well, about three years into my husband and I dating, they did just that. They latched onto me as their "mother" and I happily filled that role for them. I do it without regrets and with unconditional love. They are my boys. I don't even refer to them as my step children anymore, only as my sons.
My youngest turned 13 yesterday. We had a great day celebrating with him. I bought a small helium tank and filled about 40 balloons to place in his bedroom for him to wake up to. 13 is a special birthday! He loved waking up to a room full of balloons and thought it was a really cool surprise. We had a great afternoon playing outside, his favorite dinner of tacos, and then off to the local ice cream farm for some mini golf fun, driving range, batting cages, arcade and ice cream. What a great day!
Well, in the middle of the day, it came to my attention that their biological mother, has begun referring to me as "monster".. as in, "Step Monster"... Not that I care what she says about me, because I don't, I really hate the way that she constantly tries to turn my boys against me. I have been raising her kids, and taken them in as if they were my own, and yet she still tries to bad mouth me and teach them that I am the enemy. I have been arguing a lot with my oldest, who is 15 going on 45, (haha), and it is typical parent/teenager head butting. I am sure that she knows that we butt heads on things, and has now started referring to me as a monster. I hate how she puts my boys in this position. It is not fair to them. They are in between a rock and a hard place and I am sure that it is messing with their heads. To me, that is purely emotional abuse. They don't need this. My husband has told her to cut it out, but no matter what, she always ends up starting drama with me again. I never say a bad word about her to the boys, even though in the heat of the moment, I desperately want to. But, I am always trying to be the bigger person. No matter my feelings, shes hurting them. Causing them confusion and they don't need this stress. Her raging jealousy over their love and respect for me as their mother, has really turned HER into a monster. Not me.
Part of me knows deep down that my boys Do love me. Do respect me. Do see how I have done everything I can to keep them happy and good kids. Their grades in school have turned from straight C's to mostly A's with an occasional B. Their maternal grandparents have both individually thanked me for turning the kids around and have both noticed a major change in their behavior, and overall attitude towards life. Which is certainly moving, seeing that their daughter is the kids biological mother. People around me praise me all the time for being a wonderful mother to them, and for raising them with such unconditional love. My parents have told me how proud they are of me, and my entire family has accepted the boys and embraced them as their own. It truly is wonderful.
The other part of me is living in fear of the day that they really do turn against me. That she will have succeeded in convincing the kids that I truly am just a "monster" and the enemy. I know that being their biological mother, that she does have some sort of influence on their thoughts and emotions. They will always listen to her on some level. And that hurts. It hurts that I have been a mother to these two wonderful children that she chose to walk out on all those years ago. I have taken them under my wing as my own, and yet she could, at any moment, rip that all away from me. I love them so very much and still feel as though she may succeed in her mission to make me out as the "monster".
Today, the day after my youngest's 13th birthday, their biological mother was supposed to take them for the afternoon to celebrate his birthday. She picked them up, unwrapped presents in the car, with her "new" boyfriend, took them to a restaurant down the street and returned an hour later. An HOUR. An hour with her son that she gave birth to 13 years ago.
And I'm the "monster"...