Sunday, August 19, 2012
For the past few weeks we have been discussing our nutritional eating habits, the who, what, where, how and whys...and even how to tame our emotional beast....but it wasn't until we really started talking to discuss our inner beast, that everything came to the surface for me!! We all know life isn't easy, no one promised us a rose garden, and all the cliches that go along with it, however, did you ever really just STOP and really dig down into your soul to see why you have let yourself keep eating, and eating....till you knew you had to come to Spark People for help!!! Thank goodness you came to Spark People but do you really know why, other than the obvious reason I want to lose weight......take a few minutes, soul search, dig down into your very core and you'll see and/or find out why you have let yourself keep on eating.
I think many of us wear masks, outside our outwardly appearances seem so bright and shiny....and they are!... we are smiling, laughing, and having a good time with friends and family.....inside there maybe that small little voice that says I can't let anybody see the real me, so I hide from myself and the world.
Oh I wore a mask, for more years than I could count, I even wore a mask when I came to Spark!!!..surprising isn't it!!!....I didn't want any one to see the real me, oh yes I am fat, but that's my armor, my protection!!! What you and I didn't know was that I had no self confidence, that is until recently, another Non Scale Victory!!!! I had been divorced, unheard of in my family, left my family down, but not my kids just meant I had to do all that I could to ensure their lives and happiness came first. The divorce left me with emotional scars I just wasn't good enough as a wife, that bottle of beer meant more to him than me and the kids, rejected but knew I would do all I could for my kids to make us a happy family. Thought I met the man of my dreams, became engaged, unexpectedly I found out I was going to have another child, happy, scared, but happy just the same. The baby is born and so are his fists, even though we never lived together. Physical abuse, mental abuse and the worst thing he could do to my daughter. Knew i had to pull it all together for my kids, but I was scared, so very, very scared!! So now on top of what my ex did and this jackass did I had no self confidence and up went the mask!!
Yes, that mask stayed their for years, only a few close friends knew about it until now!! Being here at Spark I have seen little by little that mask being slowly chipped away, you are a kind, loving caring and forgiving community who give so much to each other and more importantly you have given so much of yourself to me, that I now feel I no longer have to wear a mask. I'm happy, I'm complete, I have 3 beautiful children who have grown into amazing adults and I have 8 gorgeous grandchildren. I feel strong, but more importantly I feel loved, and I owe that all to you. I love you my Spark family and I thank you all for giving me my self confidence back!!
So, what kind of Mask Are You Wearing????