Saturday, August 18, 2012
Growing up there were so many things about my Mom that I hated and swore I wouldn't do or be like. I swore I'd never be a person that had to depend on someone else for survival. I swore I'd never be a smoker, drug addict and alcoholic. I swore I'd let my kids enjoy their childhood by being worry-free and secure. I swore I'd never treat my kids different from each other because of their physical appearance and abilities. I swore I'd be someone that my kids wanted to be like.
Now that I'm all grown-up, I have kept to most of these things. I'm independent, don't smoke, maybe drink alcohol 2-3 times per year and definitely use my medication in the way it is prescribed. I work very hard to let my kids be kids and have fun with them. They know that if they need anything, I take care of it. They never have to worry about food, baths, being alone, school supplies, heat or clothes. I try to encourage my children in their unique abilities and not compare them. And now I'm working on my health so that I am truly a role model for them in all aspects.
Also now that I'm older I can see the great things my Mom did and still does and that I want to be like. My Mom hugged and kissed us all the time. I may not have realized it as a kid since she was "absent" but when she was there, she loved me. She made our birthdays the best day ever. She is fierce about her love. I "pity the fool" who gets in the way of her kids, and now grandkids, not getting something. She is tenacious about what she wants. She encouraged us in our strengths. This one has been the toughest one for me to see. Growing up I was "the smart one" and my sister "the pretty one". I was always so hurt because I understood this as I was ugly. I'm not sure why I took it that way because I didn't think she thought my sister was stupid. But now I see she knew I was intelligent and wanted to encourage me since there was so much I could do.
Now I'm a mother and I kiss and hugs these boys as much as I can. I make their special days (birthdays, school programs, first day of school, sport ceremonies) big events about them. I would do ANYTHING for them. I look at my oldest and how smart he is. I encourage him to read and do math because he loves the challenge and is good at it. But I also encourage him to try sports and new activities. I look at my youngest and see how graceful and athletic he is. We play sports but I also work with him on his letters and counting. I call them by their names and try very hard not to label them as "the smart one" or "the athletic one". I know this will come later by their interests, school, friends and society. But for now, I can let them do and try everything until they can choose what they want to be.
I know now that my Mom did the best she could when we were young. She was in a tough spot and maybe didn't cope the way a Mother should have but she did do the best she could, when she could, with what she had. I may not have the same situations and struggles as she did but do think it's not a bad thing to be a Mother like her. A Mother that does the best she can, when she can, with what she has.
And what does any of this have to do with being healthy and losing weight?? Simple. Our Mom's may not have been the type that exercised and cooked healthy foods. As a matter fact, if your Mom is like mine, she loves to stuff you full of comfort food and desserts. But what's important for me to accept and understand is that I'm only like my Mom where I want to be. I can take the good parts and become that. I can let the bad parts go and let myself make decisions for the rest. She's not the reason I'm overweight now. I'm in control and choose what I do. I choose what I forgive and forget. I choose to move on with the good parts and do what I can to improve the things I don't like. I choose to love her and those things about her that I am.