Friday, August 17, 2012
I don't know why but I've been eating loads these last few days!!! It's weird because I've only just hit my target weight of 140 lbs and have been trying to maintain my weight whilst thinking about losing some more but my eating habits have gone crazy! It doesn't help that I'm visiting relatives in Dorset and although it's lovely to be here and do fun active things like see various seaside towns, swimming in the sea and biking, I've been unable to control and dictate what I want to eat rather than be left to circumstances. I've been trying to do my best, said 'no' to various sugary / fatty foods like ice cream and chocolate, which is great. but on the flip side is that I am eating loads of typically healthy food but in big portions and more often.
Me and my Mum went biking around Portland today at the last minute and I didn't have much time to prepare food but made some healthy lunches for us (salad with some cheddar cheese, veggie bites that needed to be eaten, pears, apple, nuts and seeds, carrot, tea with soy milk in a flask), but when we came to stop and eat I was starving and ate more than my half. When I got home, stuffed my self with more healthy food and even though I was full, I needed a bowl of cereal! I'm following the clean eating diet and so normally eat 6 small meals a day with protein and complex carbs at each sitting but I've been insatiable these last few days.
Another thing that annoys me is that I've staying with my Mum and while I love being around her, she tends to make me feel bad for exercising and saying no to treats. If I say no, she feels bad for eating it and I end up feeling guilty! She's quite overweight but won't accept any help from me on losing weight. She will eat the same things as me and eat more nutritious food but also have extras like chocolate and fudge additionally. All I want is to just eat what I want, when I want and not feel guilty about it. I would love to just say I'm going to do some exercise now and not bad about it. Why does it have to be so contemplated!! I'm having laser eye surgery next week and been told to not exercise for 2 weeks so I need to keep my eating habits as clean as possible and within limit now so I don't gain extra weight later on.
I need to get some balance = I've been overthinking and worrying about how much I eat and what I'm eating. I'm trying my best but am struggling. I know that perfectionism is the quickest way to unhappiness but it's not easy to fully accept this when I expect so much from myself. I need to start meditating more, it should help me calm down I think!