Friday, August 17, 2012
Over the last 72 hours I've received a lot of bad news. I would write about it all here, but it's not my personal business to share. I'll just say that it involves a sudden surgery with a possible cancerous diagnosis of someone that I love, and the unexpected death of a young person who I did not know personally, but who was close to someone I love. On top of being grief stricken for my loved one who is suffering from this death, I had a lot of old horrible feelings come bubbling to the surface.
I feel like I dealt with the first bout of bad news in stride. I was just a little depressed. But the first thing I did when I head the second round of bad news was crack open a beer.
I know. *face palm*
I'm not a big drinker. I drink alcohol maybe once a month, and sometimes go three or four months without a single drink. But the other night I just wanted a beer, and I felt like I couldn't help myself. The emotional eating monster had reared it's ugly head, and I let it tear me to pieces.
I ended up eating every bad thing you can think of. I ate half of a snickers bar, half of a brownie, half of a large blueberry muffin. (Half of everything because naturally I dragged my husband down into the pit with me.) The next day the binge continued. I ate taco bell for dinner, and then less than two hours later I ate a cheeseburger from Dairy Queen and a mini blizzard along with a bunch of other miscellaneous crap. I ate like a pig. Even when my stomach hurt from being full I didn't stop.
I let my emotions get the best of me, and I feel so ashamed. Why do I do this to myself? Did it make me feel better? NO. It just added a heaping pile of guilt to my already miserable plate.
I just wanted to get it off of my chest here in the hopes that I would feel better. And I really DO feel a little better after writing it all out.
Today on my dry-erase board that hangs on my fridge I've written, "Don't look back, LOOK FORWARD!" I read it every time I walk through the kitchen. That little sentiment is definitely helping.
So today I'm counting calories. I'm going to do some strength training, and I'm going to REMAIN POSITIVE!
I can do this!