Friday, August 17, 2012
I haven't wanted to "dump" my stress on a blog. But I'm starting to think that is one of my biggest problems, not wanting to burden others with my feelings. But blogging is for me, right? This is to help ME through this journey. So here goes...
First stress - My brother-in-law has moved in with us, and will be here for a year. He is a custom home builder and with the economy has to take work where he can get it. He lives 2 hours from us in Bend Oregon, but since his recent divorce has sold his house in Bend. So here we are. I love my brother-in-law, but having him here is such a stress on my marriage. My husband and I rarely get the private time to talk that our relationship needs. So this is a stress...I want to help because he is family, but it's hard to give up my personal space and time with my husband.
Second stress - We have put our house up for sale. I can not even put into words how much I love my house. My brother-in-law, father-in-law and husband built it with their own hands 9 years ago, and it has felt like home since day one. 9 years ago, my husband and I both had different jobs. We made three times what we do now. It used to be easy to live here and feel good about it. But now it is just stressful figuring out how to keep all of the balls in the air. We both feel good about selling. We know we can keep going the way we are if it doesn't sell, but it would feel much better to downsize into something more manageable. So we've got our house on the market. That is a whole new story of stress and emotions.
Third stress- My 24 year old step-son is making horrible life choices and we don't know how to help. I honestly think he may be a pathological liar. I feel like my hands are tied and have to watch him spiral down. It breaks my heart for him and for my husband who loves him like only a parent can.
OK, I think that's enough for now. I'm crying and have to clean up the mascara and get to work. But these are good tears. I needed to get this out, and it's amazing how just typing it out can really help.
The moral of this story was supposed to be how I have been seeking comfort in food. I got so stressed and went into auto-pilot. I stopped taking care of myself. I don't know how to take care of my emotional needs, so I bury them in food. I guess that is probably the definition of addiction. I suppose it is good that I at least recognize it.
So let's end on a high note! I decided last weekend that enough was enough! I have been taking good care of myself all week and feel much better emotionally and physically. I have lost 5 1/2 pounds of the 10 pounds that I gained by stress eating and not exercising. I'm back on track for now...and will keep working at it until one day (hopefully) I stop falling off.
Thanks for listening!