Wow. I can hardly believe it. 60 pounds gone. And I know it is gone for good.
Part of my disbelief is how could I not see what was happening sooner?! I think because my husband just loves me. Regardless. So when I would start to be upset or depressed about my weight, he would say something nice (darn him!) Something like "I love you as you are. You can lose weight for you if you want, but you don't need to for me" or something sweet and crummy like that
I say crummy, of course I am don't mean that. What would I have done w/o him in my life? If he had been upset over my weight, that would have just made me feel worse. So I am very thankful for that. I know that our first attraction was physical, but I know it has lasted all these years (almost 20) because of so much more than that. So I know he loves me regardless. And I Thank God for that.
And I could see the weight packing on, but my doctor was never much help. I went every year to beg for help with my escalating weight. And I don't know what I thought they could have done for me but if someone would have just mentioned carbs. And maybe even how many calories a person should have each day. Or this thing called deficit of X amount to lose X amount per week. I know those are so basic but at the time, you are just in a fog feeling helpless - hopeless. I am not really sure what turned on the switch. I think it was probably seeing a commercial for Dr. Oz and catching that episode. And then when I started to research, OMGosh!! all the resources and information via the internet!! I just can't believe I didnt know this stuff sooner or even think to look for it sooner!!!!
So anyways, back to this 60 pounds. It almost seems unreal. I mean I look at how much farther I have to go, and it is hard to remember from where I started. I don't even know who that other woman was. I know nothing about her. She lost interest in most things that use to bring her joy. She quit going out with friends. She quit riding her horse. She quit her business. She quit planning the next phase of her life. She just quit life.
But even now, as my interest are being renewed, I still think about my weight and it is hard to believe that I have lost any weight. Weird I know. But I think it is because I am wearing some of the same clothes I had before, and I can't understand why I am still wearing them. I forget that they have been in my drawers unable to get them on. Or unable to button them. Or they were tight tight tight. I was looking today, and I can see that yes they are baggy whereas before, they were uncomfortably tight, and then I had to put them away and couldnt wear them any longer. So I just have to remind myself of that. I have to remind myself that I am no longer wearing the big baggy sweats that I use to. You know the ones. The ones that are "X" size but streeeeeeeeeetch out to XXXXXXXXXXX size?! So who knows what size I really was (except in my blog the other day, I think I realized just how large I was) So when I think of that, My gosh! How far I have come!!
60 pounds gone. How much more do I want to lose? At least another 60. And then we will see where I need to be. 60 would be good though. And I think even a little more although my doctor's office didnt seem as thrilled with that answer when they asked me that question the other day. But I have been less than that before, and felt great, but that was many moons ago, so I am realistic and I know that might not happen again. I dont really have a final goal weight in mind. I have a goal look in mind. And mostly just a feeling in mind. A feeling of health and vitality.
Progress this summer has been slow. But it was due to my choices. And I dont have regrets over those choices. But I have learned from it. I know if I eat this, this happens. Or it will take THAT to undo it, etc. Sometimes I accept that, and sometimes it just isnt worth it, so I make a different choice. And I feel like by things going slowly, my body has adjusted to the new status quo. I know it is sustainable for a lifetime.
I like this new person I am becoming. Well I don't know if it is a new person, or just getting back to the old person, but either way, I am more confident, I am thinking about the future & I am once again excited about life and excited to see where it takes me.
Thanks for coming along on my journey and sharing my milestones