I self-diagnosed myself with adult ADD during college, mostly as a joke. But, I must admit that everything fits. I remember a time when focusing in class was not a problem and I could spend 8 hours straight reading a juicy book. Now, I can barely remember the last time I read non-school required reading material. I have started many books, but nothing seems to hold attention long enough to get interesting. I rarely go to the movies because I can always think of a hundred other things I could be doing rather than sitting still for 2 whole hours for some mediocre remake (that's all they do in Hollywood these days)...even my all time favorite movies never seem to make it on my schedule. I flip channels constantly while watching television. The list goes on and on.
This past year for the first time ever I saw a counselor at school. I have always been anxious, but it reach a fever pitch this spring. I was running around 24/7. For the first time ever, I became addicted to the crackberry (except it was my iphone of course, best purchase I have ever made). I couldn't let two seconds past without responding to an email. I was constantly adding to my to-do list. I stopped skyping with my husband because I would just minimize the screen and start typing more emails or surfing the web.
Anyway, this is all a long way of giving some context for something that I have been recognizing as my pattern. I generally love being busy. Boredom generates all kinds of self-destructive behaviors from me. My birthday astrology profile calls my birth date the "Day of Restless Drive. "[Side note: this book is fascinating! And, I have yet to meet a person that didn't feel like it was shockingly accurate. You can look up your profile for free online. Check it out: www.thesecretlanguageofb
Anyway, they have got me pinned down exactly. Restless is my middle name, but I used to have very simple healthy ways of managing this compulsion that I have neglected for the past year. I was reminded of these little things by a blog by KANSASROSE67. She wrote a list of the things that give her energy and the things that sap her energy.
Once I started writing, I realized that there were so many things on my energizing list that have been completely absent from my life lately. Here are just a few:
Long talks with good friends
People watching and leisure walks in neighborhood parks
Cooking for friends and family
Listening to my favorite R&B jams on speakers
Listening to my running playlist as I get dressed
Counseling and mentoring others
Planning and organizing events
Meditation and being still
Being a tourist in my own city (I love exploration as I call it)
Going on (non-dinner) dates with my husband
The best part is that none of these things cost that much money. They are all healthy activities (including cooking healthy meals at home). Up until last weekend, I couldn't tell you the last time I had been in a park just to be there. I brought a book that I didn't even read. I just laid there. And it was perfect. I haven't taken a dance class in forever. Before, I took everything from salsa, waltz, to pole dancing.
I don't know when I lost sight of all of these things. I had never sought them out consciously, but I know that I now I must consciously seek the balance and energy that I need. One of the issues is that I have been moving around a lot. I always feel that New York City brings out the best version of myself. Being away from it has thrown my whole being off balance. You would think that someone as hyperactive as me should move to the countryside, but I would probably go insane without stimulation. Even Boston feels like too slow of a little "town" for me. In the city, it is so much easier to seek out the things that you need to make life exactly the way you want it. Central park was my haven - I miss it... Oh well, I'll be moving back in less than a year now.
Anyway, these are just my random musings on life. I am glad that I now have this list so that I can make sure to incorporate as much of this as possible into my day/week.