Thursday, August 16, 2012
I haven't meant to ignore anyone. Ive been fighting a losing battle with a bacterial infection called Staph. This is my second infection in a 3 week period. 7 years ago I was hospitalized for the MRSA infection above my left eye, which left me with scar tissue and damaged muscles but I was healthy. It was incredibly terrifying. I don't like hospitals. I learned to be obsessively clean (huge reason I don't do gyms or share towels) and have avoided infections for 7 years now. Apparently Staph is a nasty bacteria that once colonizes never actually leaves the body, it remains until it finds your immune system is lowered from illness or stress or you have an open wound. Most everyone has Staph on their skin, some are just more susceptible to infections, unlucky me. For the most part Ive excepted that periodically I will have flesh eating bacterial infections ON MY FACE(Ive only ever gotten them on my face.) for the rest of my life. But today I had a complete melt down, this last week has been exhausting and expensive. in and out of the doctors, can barely eat, nauseating medication, the awful pain, headaches, all I do is sleep. Im missing out on my child and I realized I did nothing differently than I have the last several years Ive been infection free- except for stress. Me being sick has caused our summer family vacation to be postponed, inevitably I, at some point will miss out on more important times in my daughters life as well. All because I didn't wash my hands well enough when I had a summer job at a petstore. I feel like a walking germ. All I want is to feel healthy again so I can clean everything and play with my kid.
I a m d e p r e s s e d.