Thursday, August 16, 2012
Yes, yes, it's due time for me to own up to my stupidity. The blog entry I've been avoiding for some time now. The time has come to write it because there is no more time to waste and twiddle my thumbs. This Summer has been a HUGE disaster when it comes to my weight loss and healthy life journey. Not what I expected. I gorged and gorged some more on vacations, at fairs, carnivals, boardwalks and beaches alike. I was unstoppable! It was disgusting and quite pathetic and I am so unbelievably ashamed of myself. It's unreal. It really is. I was 201.9 pounds in early June. Mid-August, I am a disgusting 246 pounds. Yes, you read that right! 2-4-6. How could I have gained that much in that short time? I don't know. Honestly, though I ate a lot, it didn't feel like that much to gain 45 pounds. It's absolutely shocking to me! I got on the scale yesterday after a week-long vacation at the beach and almost had a coronary when I saw that number flash before my eyes. But it is what it is and I have to own that. It's 100% my fault. I was not in the correct mindset at all this Summer. But it is time to face reality and press on. I can't live like this at all. I am disgusted with myself. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. And it's not because of the weight gain. It's because of pure shame and regret. I don't ever want to feel this way again. I want to FEEL PROUD of myself again. It was such a wonderful feeling I had when I was working hard and losing weight and feeling great. I crave that again.
(PS..And for those who are concerned about my high blood pressure, it IS under control at this time with the medications. I am not lackadaisical about that at all and take it very seriously.)