Thursday, August 16, 2012
Well, after getting married and with summer in progress, things have gotten insane. This caused me to go completely AWOL from Sparkpeople and from my diet/work-out regimine. Looking back, I seriously regret it. I not only gained back the 15 pounds that I had lost, but added another 10 pounds to that. I am now 25 pounds further away from my goal than when I last started. It is so frustrating to me. I hate looking at myself, period. I hate getting dressed and find that I will resort to my comfy clothes at any time that I need to. I don't feel comfortable, pretty, sexy, or myself when I dress in what is left of my 'normal' clothes that do fit. I have totally fell into the self-loathing stage. It has definitely had an effect on my self-esteem and my relationship with others. My husband still says I am beautiful, but how can he be serious? Thank God I have a man that truly loves me. And now that we have been talking about adding to our family, I know I must start now, before I get pregnant, or I will have a whole other issue to bear.
I know what needs to be done. I eat fairly healthy and am prepared to and have the knowledge to eat even healthier and to control my portions. My body just needs exercise. It cannot be sedentary for any period of time without storing fat.
So, as of this evening, I will be joining the gym again. I need to. I have to do this for myself, my husband, and my kids. I need to do this for my health and to prove to myself that I can finish what I started. My goal is large, but it's a goal. I know I can set smaller goals to begin with, but the end goal is a little intimidating. I want to see myself get down to 160. Now granted, it says I should be in the 140s-150s for my height, however, I need to be realistic in the fact that I don't think my body type will allow that. With that being said, I need to lose 75 pounds. 75 pounds!!!
I wish I could afford a personal trainer, or a work out partner to hold me accountable. Getting up at 5 a.m. is so hard, but it really is the only time that I can dedicate to the gym.
Wish me luck. Drop me well wishes. And if you are close by, come work out with me. Help me through my journey and to prove to myself that this can be done.