Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Wow, have I fallen off the wagon. I had been journaling, at least 3 or 4 times a week, since I started this process in April. I havenít journaled in about 3 weeks. And, interestingly, in the last 2 weeks, Iíve gotten way off track: stopped exercising; not always tracking my food; not getting my minimum F&V; eating a lot of things that arenít good for me, in quantities that shouldnít be.
Wow. Thatís sad.
After all the progress I made, after the 11# I lost, after all the postings and encouragement I was able to give, I got myself way off track quite quickly and easily.
Donít get me wrong. My progress has, by no means, been swift or consistent. But Iím trying to be realistic about how difficult it is to lose weight, especially for those of us ďof a certain age.Ē The lack of consistency wasnít a major issue, either. At least I WAS making progress, even if it was in fits and starts.
But it concerns me that I so easily strayed from what I was doing, what was making me feel and look better. I was really proud of the changes Iíd made, even the smallest ones. And then, just that quickly and easily, I caved. I gave in to the lazy, unmotivated, undisciplined part of myself. Turns out she was never really gone, just hiding out, waiting to tempt me back into my old ways. And I let her. Heck, I followed along gleefully.
This is not an easy process, changing how I think and act around food. There is absolutely no guarantee that I can do this for any length of time. No guarantee that Iíll even be able to do it today or tomorrow, even if Iíve been successful for weeks or months.
There is no coasting here, no autopilot. It requires me to make a mental commitment every single day. A daily reminder to do what I have to do, what I need to do. And then follow through.
The mature adult in me understands this. You donít get something for nothing. I know that.
But the childish part of me wants to have it all. I want to eat what I want, when I want, as much as I want. Measuring and weighing my food? Planning healthy meals? Tracking what Iím eating? No thanks.
I want to sit on the couch watching TV or lounge on the back porch reading the paper. Walking? Strength training? Nope. Not in the mood.
You know, just writing that last paragraph, I realize how incredibly lazy, immature, ridiculous, and - okay, we can say it - STUPID I sound.
If I want to lose weight and change my body, thereís only one way thatís going to happen: if I make it happen. And this isnít rocket science, for heavenís sake. We need to eat less and move more, simple as that.
No one is going to come to my house and drag me out of bed or off the couch each day to go exercise. Even if they have people willing to do that, I sure canít afford it. Likewise, I donít have a personal chef to whip up healthful, creative, delicious meals and snacks for me.
Any effort has to come from me. Iím the one who has to put on those sneakers and get my feet moving. Today. Tomorrow. The next day.
Iím the one who decides exactly what, how much, and how often, food goes into my mouth. For breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks.
Apparently, I also have to keep journaling. The process of examining my feelings about this journey and putting my words on paper is obviously helpful to me.
Losing weight is not easy. If it were, weíd all be at our ideal weight already.
But it is worth it. Iím worth it. I just need to grow up and recommit myself. Today, right now.
But it wears me out just thinking about it.