Patience is a Virture, Apparently....

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

So, I failed my first test on controlling my reactions. My sister woke me up this morning to yell at me and I yelled back. :/
The chain on our toilet was broken when I got home from work yesterday and she woke me up this morning with "go fix the toilet that you broke!" To flush now you have to take the lid on the water tank off and pull the chain manually. Well when I went to use the loo in the middle of the night I pulled it but didn't stick around and the chain got stuck in a way that let a little water run through. Well, instead of just fixing it and then telling me about it when I woke up to ask me to make sure that it didn't get stuck like that again, she thought the best way to handle it was to barge in my room and yell that I broke it and to go fix it immediately. I told her that I didn't know it was going to do that and she responded with "you know, not everything is about you!" Oookaaay...that doesn't make sense, but whatever, I let it go. And then she said that I need to be more considerate. That made me upset and I yelled at her, "I need to be considerate? You're the one who barged in my room, woke me up and yelled at me, but I'm the one that needs to be considerate?!" Her response? "Yes, exactly." Oh. My. Goodness. Really?! Really....? I really wanted to smack her, but then thankfully she walked away.

I knew she had some anger issues, but I didn't realize until this morning just how angry she was. I mean, really people, that whole thing was ridiculous. It was, however, helpful, because now that I know I can prepare better. I'm going to try to just stay as calm as possible with her no matter what she says and end any conversation as soon as I can in order to minimize the damage, because I've noticed myself getting super angry about it too. Last night I was just in my room for like an hour and a half venting to my cat, which would have been hilarious if I wasn't so pissed off...

I have also decided that I'm going to restart my search for a new place to stay. It might take a while to find a safe place with my budget that isn't too far and will allow me to take my cat, but I'm hoping I can find a place within a month. In the meantime though, I'm going to do my best to just steer clear of her. Tell you what, this is definitely giving my patience a work-out. And I thought I was a pretty patient person before!
Apparently though, not enough...
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  • D-ABBY
    Roommating can be a challenge, especially with siblings. Praying for your relationship and for wisdom in dealing with it. Hugs.
    1885 days ago
    You are doing the right thing by staying cool. If your sister is persistantly angry, then your attitude will begin to change to be like hers. There is no dealing with an angry person. The only language they understand is an angry response. Which by the way only fuel them further. It isn' t healthy to stay around an angry person. I hope she finds some kind of solace to overcome her anger. Don't forsake her, though. Maybe your peaceful attitude will rub off on her. You both just need some distance to get along. I am praying for both of you. I also hope you do find an affordable place that is safe and where you are allowed to take you cat. Hang in there!
    1886 days ago
  • BERI03
    You've got the right attitude. Just keep yourself calm and work on what you need to. Good luck on the apartment hunt!
    1890 days ago
    .......And people wonder why I don't have roomates! I'm sorry to say that you will probbly not find a amicable middle so yeh looking for an apt. is a good thing. Finding one with a pet is hard so good luck sweety were rooting for you!
    1891 days ago
    You may have yelled back, but you are much more quickly recognizing that won't help the situation. It takes a lot of practice to become adept at deflecting anger, especially in situations that can't be anticipated.

    Perhaps it might help to come up with something to think or do whenever she verbally attacks you - accusing you of something - rather than reply. (The old "count to 100" adage comes to mind, but it could be far more personalized to you. Mantras or prayers of some sort can work. "Happy places" or self-affirmation that you can think of can ease your spirit, letting you pull away from the contagion of anger.)

    One thing that might help is to mentally think of a situation that proves you are considerate or otherwise negates her accusation. You don't have to defend yourself to her, but reaffirming to yourself who you are can help take the sting out of her unfair accusation and give you a moment to regroup.
    1894 days ago
    good luck on finding a new place... I have to do the same thing... my dd and her dh both kicked me out last week, I was in their basement apt., so I am looking at moving 5000 km. back to the east coast and my dh and I reconciling and finding a place to live... just gotta figure out how to pack all my stuff and take our locker full of stuff back there too.... too much to do all alone....

    I remember when I first went north to teach, there was a little Korean teacher sharing the mobile home with me and the first day, the toilet overflowed and she screamed for me and then was going to walk away and not even mop it up....Whew!
    1894 days ago
    Good luck! We're always here when you need us!
    1894 days ago
    You need to take your kitty and get out of there FAST! Hopefully before she really explodes. Just remember the only person you can change is yourself, and if you resolve to handle things in a different way hopefully she will react in a different more civilized way as well. Good luck!
    1894 days ago
  • FARMGIRL1968
    I hope u can find a safe place fast. Thats alot of stress! I hope u and your cat have a better day.
    1894 days ago
    "I'm going to try to just stay as calm as possible with her no matter what she says and end any conversation as soon as I can in order to minimize the damage, " That sounds like a good plan. I hope things get better. Hang in there!
    1894 days ago
    It is so hard to live with unpleasant roommates! My current roommate and I are not on speaking terms. At all. Until he apologizes for cursing me out and screaming at me for asking him to put TWO things in the dishwasher (which he had used).'s been a week and he shows no inclination to do so. Bah humbug.

    HOWEVER, I once had a roommate who cooked an entire Thanksgiving dinner for her and her boyfriend in the kitchen...and LEFT it there. Literally, food on the plates, still on the table, mashed potatoes in the oven, etc... Thanksgiving is a Thursday? I eventually cleaned it up the following TUESDAY because I couldn't take it anymore. She never even thanked me much less apologized.

    Anyway, this is about you, not me! I would suggest locking your bedroom door if you can, I've found that to really cut down on the amount of crud I have to deal with in my own space and abso-freaking-lutely try to get a place on your own!
    1894 days ago
    1894 days ago
    1894 days ago
    Good luck! I know it's difficult to not allow the attitudes of others affect us. Nobody expects you to be perfect. Just keep working at it and you'll find you're letting more go than you were before.
    1894 days ago
  • FARMGIRL1968
    I hope u can find a safe place fast. Thats alot of stress! I hope u and your cat have a better day.
    1894 days ago
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