Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.


    UNSTOPPABLE_   205,066
SparkPoints
100,000 or more SparkPoints
 
 
Tuesdays Joke

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!

The dispenser for the modern "seat covers"(invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook,if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless(Drat! I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday -the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time).That will have to do.You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's stillsmaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse,which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto theTOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.

You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper-not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because frankly,dear,"You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point, you give up.. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.

You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket! and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks,"What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" ...........

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!).It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!


emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
SHARE
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITTLEWIND53 8/22/2012 7:59AM

    Oh, my goodness. What excitement!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BJPENNY70 8/21/2012 4:37AM

    I have to say this is the funniest but truest story I have read. lol

Report Inappropriate Comment
ARTJAC 8/17/2012 7:43AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BELTONWALKER67 8/15/2012 11:42AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ROZEEROZ1 8/15/2012 5:04AM

    emoticon ROFL

Report Inappropriate Comment
FITANDFIFTY2 8/15/2012 12:48AM

    Thank you ! I haven't laughed this hard in a long, long time! I can totally visualize it and that is truly scary!! Loved it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
STEVENGO2 8/15/2012 12:40AM

    emoticon

And I am glad you are feeling better today!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEE107 8/15/2012 12:22AM

    thanks

Report Inappropriate Comment
1HAPPYSPIRIT 8/14/2012 11:15PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
EZRIN101 8/14/2012 9:06PM

    emoticon so true!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
EDWARDS1411 8/14/2012 7:24PM

    Too funny!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANHELIC 8/14/2012 7:05PM

    How true. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALEXSGIRL1 8/14/2012 4:33PM

    i love funny real life stories

Report Inappropriate Comment
EWEINHISPASTURE 8/14/2012 12:17PM

    Oh yes! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUDY1676 8/14/2012 11:52AM

    Oh the " memories" of public restrooms! It's a good thing we can laugh about it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KSCRAP363 8/14/2012 11:51AM

    Hilarious!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DIDMIS 8/14/2012 10:41AM

    Can I also add that the handicapped stalls are sometimes so low you can't get up without grabbing a hold of the trash can to brace yourself and sometimes there is no place to hang the purse, the floor is wet,your purse doesn't fit around your neck and then no toilet paper. If you weren't handicapped when you went in you are when you leave.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KITT52 8/14/2012 10:10AM

    this was me at the fair Sunday, but I did have a few napkins in my purse....lol

Report Inappropriate Comment
WHISPERINGPINE9 8/14/2012 9:58AM

    emoticon emoticon for the chuckles! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GLORYB2014 8/14/2012 9:53AM

    Oh yeah . . . been there, done that!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GABY1948 8/14/2012 9:29AM

    This was GREAT and TRUE! Thanks emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRYSTLE4HIMTX12 8/14/2012 8:50AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
OVERACTIVEELBOW 8/14/2012 8:23AM

    Yup,

Report Inappropriate Comment
DESERTDREAMERS 8/14/2012 8:17AM

    Yikes, this has happened (or nearly happened) way too often!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSLZZY 8/14/2012 7:05AM

    Been there, done that! LOL!

Report Inappropriate Comment
IMEMINE1 8/14/2012 6:48AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JSALERNO 8/14/2012 5:52AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NEW-CAZ 8/14/2012 2:50AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 8/14/2012 1:59AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post


Log in to post a comment.
 


Other Entries by UNSTOPPABLE_