I am trying to maintain a positive attitude. I am trying to focus on the positive, and not give too much weight to the negative. I really am.
I was feeling pretty darn good about myself. I have consistently worked out 5 days in a row for the last two weeks. And I worked out this afternoon, starting my 3rd week of awesomeness.
I have been pretty darn awesome about sticking to my calorie range most days of the week the last couple of weeks. I stuck to my calorie range today. The weekends, I'm not the best at staying on track. I'm working on it though - progress not perfection. Weekends had not been a weakness in the past, but these last few weekends have been busy, and social, and tempting. And I have given in to temptation. But, I figure it's life - and there will always be BBQs, birthday parties, etc. And giving in every now and then will not be the end of the world for my nutrition. Progress, not perfection.
I am really most proud of the work outs. As I had posted in an earlier blog, in all my fitness plans I have NEVER been this consistent and I am SO proud! :)
I realize that I am not near my goal. I realize I have a ways to go (at least another 30 pounds). I realize that I have been at this weight, on and off, since March and I can't seem to get it to budge. But I am trying something different (consistent exercise, and 90% calorie range plan), and hoping it will work. The first week it paid off. Last week - no weight loss. But, I am determined to make it work. It's about progress. Not perfection.
It took me years to put this weight on and maintain it. It's not going to come off in two weeks. Or two months. Or maybe even two years (although I am REALLY hoping it will come off BEFORE 2014).
But, I was still expecting to not be disgusted by a photo of me. I was at a bbq on Saturday (2 days ago) and the hostess was taking photos of us. And there are three of me. One of them is bad. But the other two are horrendous. I look like a cow! I am ashamed. I cannot even believe I look this disgusting.
I thought that losing some of the weight would make my appearance at least somewhat presentable in photos. I mean - I can take some good photos. I don't look disgusting in every photo I take (hence the photos on my page). But, I was really shocked. Two of these photos look like I'm not even working on my weight, or appearance. I look horrendous.
Trying to be positive. I am working on it. Even skinny girls take bad photos sometimes. Even skinny girls have bad angles. Just because I took a few bad photos does not mean I am disgusting. Yes, I still have a lot of weight to lose. I am aware of this. This is not "news" to me. So, why would I be so surprised by my weight in the photos.
I think part of it is that I didn't expect to look "that" fat. I was expecting....less of me. Does that mean I have a distorted body image?
Positive attitude. Yes, I have a lot of weight to lose. Yes, I look bad in those photos. But, I am doing something about it. I am working on my nutrition plan. I am working on consistent exercise. And I am working on getting my weekends under control. It's about progress. Not perfection.
And even if I don't exercise five days in a row every week, or falter on my nutrition, or blow another weekend's nutrition, it's ok. Because it's about progress. Not perfection.
I'm probably going to take more bad photos. Even when I'm at my goal weight. And that's ok too. Progress. Not perfection.
Learning to love myself and accept myself is progress. Because I am not perfect. And that is ok.