I have have done this now I have to own ot!

Monday, August 13, 2012

I have been workout gor for 3 months now, loosing the weight slowly but am loosing it. But my knee is started to really hold me back. I have had 8 knee surgerys, 6 scopes, 1 proxal/ distal realigment and one hardware removal and still the pain is so bad. I have a Friend that thinks my knee doc should just do something some how just fix it. I have a appointment this week to see him. But it really hit me when I was trying to explain to her why he can't just fix it. Because after every one of my surgerys he told me to loose weight and I did nothing and now my knee is gone, I have no cartilage at all and I am only 38 and I need a total knee done. But he warned me, oh so many times he warned me and now that I am really trying to loose the weight so I can get to the 180 lb mark where doing a total knee will be so much better, now I am having to skip walks and ork out because I can put any weight on my left side because of the swelling and pain. I was wishing if I see him this week he could just get me a new brace. But I know now tht would work less than a band aid. I have been using a leeve brace and another brace just to walk and every day I am able to walk less and less. And I ave done this too my self. My friend just doesn't get it. Doc can't just fix it any more because he has done all he can. Because I have not done everything I can. I didn't loise the weight after each surgery, even after I left his office in tears, thinking why is he so mean to me hy doesn't he like me. But the truth is. He told me the truth and I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to do anything to help my self. He told me a year go loose the weight I will try a partial knee. But I didn't do anything. I used the pain as a excuse to do nothing. Now I m really trying and the pain I am in just to get up to go to the bathroom is so much more than I have ever had.. My knee is twice the size as it should be, icing it does nothing and now I understand what he has been telling me. He has done all he can now it is up to me. It was up to me 12 years ago when I was able to work and bring home a paycheck. When I should have done something. I get it now. I own what I have done and no I m scared of what he will say when I see him wensday, best case he does another scope to get the fliud off my knee and get me fitted for a brace. Second best. Brace so I have som support o continue hat I am trying to do now. Both if I can convince him how hard I have been working and how hard I will keep working. If I can convince him to help I will own what I have done and show him my progress every month or have a report sent to him that I am doing it. Or. He can't do anything and I am not sure how much longer I can go on this knee. I know at my weight the theraphy for a partial or total knee replacement will be harder than I have ever had, the pain the worst or to the point I can't walk without a cane or other help. I own that I have gained the weight I own that I didn't listen to him and help myself while he was trying to help. I just hope I still have a chance. If a scope and knee brace is a option this time I won't waste the chance. I will loose the 60 lbs. I need for the knee replacement I just hope I still have a chance to get there so I am so much healthyer to have such a Surgery. I know if I do have this last option for a scope and brace to help with the pain I wont waste it this time. At 180 lbs I will know I can do the surgery for replacment and the intense theraphy because I am willing to do everything I can to loose that last 60 lb to get there and if I can do that I can finish this..get to a healthy weight a new knee and the knowlage and stregth and self love to stay that way.. I know now I love my self and i am worth love. But I will find out wensday if I have one more chance to loose the weight. Before the knee replacment or if I have lost it. Either way I know now. It is up to me to do it like I should have
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  • ENUFF81020
    I had so many scopes and knee surgeries before my TKRs that I sure understand what you are going through. I remember how awful that {"all the time" unpredictable pain was and my constant wondering if I was going to be able to stay on my feet. I really feel sorry for you and what you are going through. Now, even though you didn't get around to losing weight when you were given that directive doesn't mean that you should have to continue suffering. Hang in there and talk to your doctor with honesty, but it isn't about taking the blame. It is all about taking care of yourself and getting the best care possible. You deserve that much, no less.
    Gentle hugs,
    2018 days ago
    Wow. I think about how I am killing myself with my overweight too and my lack of exercise. Thankfully my knees though achy at times are not a source of constant pain. I applaud your desire to attempt exercise despite your blown knee. I hope you are successful in your weightloss journey. Keep on sparking!
    2019 days ago
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