My therapist has been telling me this for awhile but I never really believed her. It was probably three weeks ago when it really hit me that it's true and it affects all aspects of my life. I'm an all or nothing thinker. Everything is black and white. There are only extremes in my life and close to no grey areas or balance.

I thought working out 6 days a week was normal. If I didn't work out 6 days a week or only had 20 minutes to work out, I'm not going to, what's the point.

I either eat super super clean with all organic food and in my calorie range, or I binge for days/months on end.

These next two events are when I really started to see how extreme my thoughts are and finally started to believe the all or nothing thinking when it came to food and exercise.

I got a promotion at work in June and it's been harder than I thought. I was having a particularly rough day and thought to myself - I can't do this job, I'm going to start looking for a different job right now.

I was discussing with my friend what we were doing for food for a big music festival/camping event coming up. Her and the rest of the group had already talked about it without me. I immediately decided they didn't want me to be there and I might as well not go.

WOAH....slow down Shannon. These thoughts are completely ridiculous. Yes I am having a difficult time at work but you know what, I'm doing a job that I've never done before. I'm not going to do it perfectly. And more importantly, there is no such thing as doing something perfectly. At this point, I'm doing it to the best of my abilities and I have to realize that that's great. And as far as having a thought of not going to WeFest with my friends and that they don't want me there - that's just ridiculous. Of course the rest of the group already talked about it, they all live in the same town and work together and see each other all the time.

So I talked about this with my therapist on Friday because things have been really REALLY bad for me as far as food and working out. We're trying something new and we're focusing on one area at a time. It's like she's in my head and knows that I want to fix everything at once but said that we're going to really focus on one area which she let me pick and of course it's food because that's my biggest downfall.

So this week I'm working on finding balance. Trying to realize it's normal to go out to eat at a buffet for brunch or having a drink and apps with friends during happy hour. Not being in a certain calorie range and if someone brings a treat to work, it's ok to have one. Not being extreme on either end. And actually being ok with it - that's going to take me the longest to come to terms with.

But I can do this. After I left my session I felt really hopeful and that's surprisingly carried over into the weekend. It's so nice to talk to someone who actually gets it and cares. I don't always feel like I have that many people around me that care. So I'm going to continue my weekly visits with her. I'm also looking into possibly doing some OA meetings (now that I might have some free nights if I'm not working out 6 nights a week) and getting that extra support throughout the week. And of course, being more active on Spark because I know everyone here gets it as well and cares. :)