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What I Used To Only Imagine, I Am Now Living.

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Sunday, August 12, 2012

Im tapping this blog out on my phone so please forgive any format issues or typos. Im on midnight shift right now and sometimes my mind drifts.

I feel like my journey is entering a new phase. The whole theme of my journey seems to be centered around YOU CAN and taking baby steps on a path of self discovery. A path where I am learning that the only limits I have are the ones I allow myself to be fettered with. I look back and reflect on my past and I can plainly see a long process where my self confidence and self image died a slow and painful death. When you become morbidly obese, the walls of your world close in slowly until your comfort zone becomes a straitjacket.

I never viewed any challenge as an opportunity for growth, it was always viewed as yet another opening for all the world to see my ineptness and to suffer embarassment.That is one of the things that makes morbid obesity such a killer. We all know about the health side of it but obesity is a destroyer of the soul. This is so much more than shedding the pounds, it is about reclaiming the life.

This is where I feel running and endurance sports has brought so much healing in my life. It is far more than a reduntant process to be endured for the sake of burning a few extra calories in the same sense that one endures the side effects of some medication for the sake of getting well. Once the desired effect is obtained, the routine ends.

Before, I used to just imagine what it would be like to have self confidence and passion, now I am living the dream everyday.

Yes Robert, you can.

I no longer need the permission or the approval of others to finally live my life.Each time I honor a commitment to myself to exercise when I dont feel like it, or work through a problem and see it through, something inside grows stronger.When you climb the smaller mountains, the bigger ones don't seem so intimidating. It takes the same skills. After a while, one rock looks much like another except there are just more of them piled up... I just have to climb a little longer that's all.

One thing I have learned on my journey is that consistant effort is never unrewarded.My dreams are not so far fetched anymore. No bravado, just a deep settled confidence that tells me to keep climbing.

There is Iron at the top.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DONNALIZ67 8/26/2012 9:32AM

    "I never viewed any challenge as an opportunity for growth, it was always viewed as yet another opening for all the world to see my ineptness and to suffer embarassment.That is one of the things that makes morbid obesity such a killer. We all know about the health side of it but obesity is a destroyer of the soul. This is so much more than shedding the pounds, it is about reclaiming the life. "

Wow - reading this paragraph gave me chills. Such an accurate description of my life for the last 10+ years.

Congrats on making the changes that have allowed you to reclaim your life - and thanks for the inspiration!

Comment edited on: 8/26/2012 9:35:36 AM

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MPLANE37 8/24/2012 10:39PM

    Congrats!

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COOKIE_AT_51 8/19/2012 7:23AM

    Great inspiration for us all as you push through to meet your goals. So glad things are happening for you! Keep sparkin' :) emoticon

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JMMACKIE 8/18/2012 10:40AM

    I love this! Your blogs always encourage me to seek after my own endurance sport goals. Thanks for sharing!

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SPAYYOURCAT 8/16/2012 3:09PM

    You are, and continue to be, an inspiration and motivator for so many folks. You have changed many lives, in the process of changing your own. Thank you

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PROVERBS31JULIA 8/16/2012 1:21PM

    "...but obesity is a destroyer of the soul. This is so much more than shedding the pounds, it is about reclaiming the life. ..."

*sniffle*

So True!!!!

Thanks for writing this!!
emoticon

Julia


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GONE-BIKING 8/16/2012 11:48AM

    What a touching blog. I need to break away from the thought that weight, image and self-esteem issues is a female problem. Clearly that is not the case. You have come a long way on what appears to be an incredible journey. I applaud you and thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience.

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NDKARIKARI 8/16/2012 8:47AM

    well said! emoticon
Still in the early stages of that journey to reclaiming my life, and becoming that confident person that I've always wanted to be. You are an inspiration, and I look forward to that deep settled confidence you describe

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HFAYE81 8/15/2012 4:33PM

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Your words and attitude are so inspiring to all of us!!!! emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/15/2012 4:33:26 PM

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NEWCHINELO 8/15/2012 3:48PM

    emoticon

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HELDER8 8/15/2012 3:40PM

    Wow! This is one of the most beautiful and eloquent blogs I've read in a long time. Thank you for being an inspiration to the rest of us.

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CASEYBABY510 8/15/2012 1:37PM

  Awesome! emoticon

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FERGSGIRL2 8/15/2012 12:53PM

    awesome blog! WTG!

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BTURPEN3721 8/15/2012 12:46PM

    Way to go

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BMCKEOW1 8/15/2012 11:24AM

    I love this blog it's very inspiring.

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DOTTY7267 8/15/2012 10:56AM

    emoticon

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CMERUN29 8/15/2012 9:55AM

    Such a great attitude! Keep up the good work.

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123ELAINE456 8/15/2012 8:01AM

  Asesome Blog!!! You are doing a GREAT JOB!!! Keep It Up!!! God Bless You and Have a Wonderful Week.

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THETROUT 8/15/2012 7:48AM

    Great encouragement. I'm heading out for a walk, so I'll be mulling over some of your points while doing it.

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PENNYPACKER3 8/15/2012 5:16AM

    emoticon

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CYPATAYLOR2 8/14/2012 10:06PM

  Wonderful blog and so inspiring. Thank you for sharing:)

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SHOAPIE 8/14/2012 10:01PM

    emoticon

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SH9719 8/14/2012 9:36PM

    Successful weight loss is self rewarding. You do not have to look for other rewards.

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JULIA1154 8/14/2012 8:29PM

  Robert, you've really captured the reality of being overweight. Thank you for sharing this - I hope it opens up new worlds of possibility to those who are still (metaphorically) standing outside with their noses pressed to the glass, looking longingly at the warmth and joy on the other side of the window.

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CASSIOEPIA 8/14/2012 7:57PM

    I love the wisdom in this blog. It is so true - we are only limited by our own minds.

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DRMOM4U2 8/14/2012 6:36PM

    Robert you have really found the key. So good for you to realize when you follow through it is a gift to you - and how obesity really does destroy our very essence. You are living the life you want and you have shown the COURAGE to hang tough.
Way to go!
Vicki
emoticon

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THESLIMMERME1 8/14/2012 5:03PM

    emoticon emoticon on your efforts todate and the changes you nave noted regarding your attitude about life! emoticon emoticon

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JERSEYFLOWER 8/14/2012 4:00PM

    I love that you share the evolution of the journey and the mindset. You are much more advanced than I am - in weight loss/health and mindset - but when you share, it does make me think, "Oh, yeah, I get it. I can see that. I have been feeling that way a little tiny bit, too."

Almost like I'm a sophomore and you are the cool senior I'm looking up to. lol.

Not sure how much Sparking I'm going to be doing in the near future (2 weeks from due date right now) so it may be a while before I catch up with you.

I'm doing well, feeling as good as can be expected, I'd imagine. Continuing to find ways to exercise or be as active as I can, given my limitations. Helps with the anxiety, added bonus of less weight to take off after baby is born. lol.

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CATDUG19 8/14/2012 3:56PM

    Beautifully said. So true that being obese makes your world very small. I am so glad you have opened your world and let us have a peek.

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IMIN2GENES 8/14/2012 2:54PM

    Thank you once again Robert for sharing both inspiration and motivation! This was a well timed blog for me. Many things I needed to hear. I just love it when your mind wanders.
Chris

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LZY0108 8/14/2012 2:24PM

    emoticon emoticon

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IAMAGEMLOVER 8/14/2012 2:08PM

    emoticon for sharing. emoticon blog. I was told to emoticon bomb you.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EMMIELANE 8/14/2012 12:54PM

    PS - heard that you liked this: emoticon

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EMMIELANE 8/14/2012 12:53PM

    Wow! When your mind drifts, it creates great energy and inspiration! Thank you!

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MASTERPIECE8 8/14/2012 11:40AM

    Great blog. Thanks for sharing and taking the time to post this. It validates my own dreams and goals.

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LELERS 8/14/2012 11:15AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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OKLAMEG1 8/14/2012 11:09AM

  Thank you for taking time out to "tap" out this blog. I always look forward to your blogs. You are right, obesity is a killer of the soul, so glad you put it into the words I haven't been able to express., This journey we are all on is definitely a challenge and I agree with you that overcoming the small challenges gives us the what-all to accomplish bigger challenges with confidence. Doesn't it feel great!! Keep those inspiring blogs coming.

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NIQUE85 8/14/2012 8:59AM

    Great blog....very insightful! emoticon

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LUV2RUN72 8/14/2012 8:37AM

    You are so right. Well said. I get up and exercise 60 min plus most days, at least something almost everyday. I am a runner. The people closest to me understand that I can either be on pain and mood meds, or I can exercise and eat right. People that don't know me tend to think that I am "extreme" and don't get it. There is such an inner peace and confidence that can only be gained from challenging yourself and then rising to that challenge. Thank you for sharing. emoticon

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NYARAMULA 8/14/2012 6:20AM

    Love your blog, thanks for sharing. Truly inspiring.

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STALEYK 8/14/2012 5:52AM

    Thank you for sharing! What an encouragement you are! You inspire us to keep going and we can do it! emoticon

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WALKZWDOGZ 8/14/2012 4:31AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GEEKYMOUSE 8/14/2012 3:14AM

    Thank you for the blog... :) It has touched so many things that I've been feeling recently.

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MARYJEANSL 8/14/2012 2:06AM

  Wonderful to be living the dream! Keep climbing!

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SOPHIALARA 8/14/2012 1:28AM

    Thank you so much for taking the time to "tap" out this post. It was an inspiration for me to read. Obesity IS a killer of the soul, and I've felt that very thing for so long. Thank you for putting it into words. Today is my third day of tracking my food and posting on SparkPeople consistently. I feel motivated and empowered!

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MISSLISA1973 8/14/2012 12:25AM

    Wow, you are an amazing writer. The beginning was so sad, but in just a few words you took us from tragedy to triumph. You are such an inspiration to us all. Thank you for taking the time and making the personal sacrifice to share so much of yourself with us!

emoticon Lisa

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SKINNYESTES 8/14/2012 12:08AM

    I loved reading what you wrote. Very inspiring so I thank you for tapping out on your cell. I really liked your last paragraph. emoticon

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RUN_BAKE_BLOG 8/14/2012 12:05AM

    A man on a mission...
Can't wait to watch it unfold!
emoticon
And you WILL run a 5k with me and you WILL be faster than you think you can run!
LOL...
Yes, I am THAT kind of friend!


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TANGOKATE 8/14/2012 12:03AM

    Wow. You write so well, phone or not. What I especially liked were your comments about confidence. Over the years of gaining weight I have struggled with issues around my looks and attractiveness. I have had thoughtless comments said it me about my body build and my looks as a woman... "You have such a pretty face." It's been soul crushing to say the least to be told that you are "wholesome looking" or that your body is "ok" or "you look like you've gained weight." Or, "I didn't recognize you with the weight gain." These kinds of words can really take their toll on you.

Having been on SP just over a month is giving me an opportunity to examine my habits, loose some weight and start to see a canary, once fed a poor diet regime, begin to turn from brown to yellow from the inside out. I am feeling many things I hadn't realized I had felt about my body and for some reason, your post has struck a very deep cord with me. Thanks for that.

Comment edited on: 8/14/2012 12:04:24 AM

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SWEDE_SU 8/13/2012 11:58PM

    you are such an inspiration - thank you! emoticon

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