Saturday, August 11, 2012
1. Thomas Reed vs Henry Clay
Clay: I would rather be right than be president.
Reed: The gentleman need not trouble himself, he'll never be either.
2. Winston Churchill vs Lady Astor
Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee.
Churchill: Nancy, if you were my wife I'd drink it.
3. Abraham Lincoln vs Stephen Douglas after Douglas called him "two faced" during a debate"
"I leave it to my audience. If I had another face, so you think I would wear this one?"
4. Calvin Coolidge vs an Opera Singer
Audience member: What do you think of the singer's execution?
Coolidge: I'm all for it.
5. Pierre Trudeau vs Richard Nixon upon hearing that Nixon had called him an a__hole.
"I've been called wor4se things by better men."
6. James McNeill Whistler vs Oscar Wilde aft5er Whistler had made a particularly witty observation.
Wilde: I wish I had said that.
Whistler: You will, Oscar, you will.
7. Bill Clinton vs Dan Quayle after Quayle revealed that he planned to be a "pit bull" in the 1992 campaign against Clinton & Gore.
"That's got every fire hydrant in American worried."
8. Reverend Edward Everett Hale vs the U.S. Senate when asked if he prayed for the Senators.
"No, I look at the Senators and pay for the country."
9. Edna Ferber vs Noel Coward who was remarking that Ferber was wearing a tailored suit.
Coward: You look almost like a man.
Ferber: So do you.
10. Winston Churchill vs a Member of Parliament
MP: Mr Churchill, must you fall asleep while I'm speaking?
Churchill: No, it's purely voluntary.
11. Calvin Coolidge vs a lady at a White House dinner
Woman: Mr. Coolidge, I've made a bet against a fellow who said it was impossible to get more than two words out of you.
Coolidge: You lose.
12. Groucho Marxvs a contestant on "You Bet Your Life" after the contestant revealed that he was a father of 10.
Groucho: Why so many children?
Contestant: Well, Groucho, I love my wife.
Groucho: I love myu cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.