Saturday, August 11, 2012
I've realized a few things:
Men are Pigs.
I've used food as my shield.
So, I started using SP as a tool to help me lose weight and become healthier. My goals when starting were simple; lose enough weight to get out of the plus size section of the store, and to be able to mostly keep up with my kids.
I reached half of my goal. I can shop for pants in the regular section of the store. I wear regular size 16 Levis now not Women's. OK actually I wear short Levis, but no amount of working out is going to make me taller. I'm working on the top half. I'm top heavy.
I went from a 20 to a 16 and maintained well, but have notice a gain recently. I've reflected on my life and the changes and stresses.
Yes there have been stresses. Losing and gaining loved ones, work changes, schedule changes, medical issues, life just happens.
I could blame or rationalize the gain on anyone of these things, but that's not the realization that I came to recently.
Men are pigs and I use food as a shield. I've had more than one man pursue me. They knew I am married and not interested, but started in anyway. Side note- this island is full of men and women who cheat on their spouses, and it's common and there are a lot of half siblings.
Having open relationships and cheating is a cultural norm here.
So, I've put up this wall, I avoid certain men, and I eat.
The only man that I want to think that I am beautiful or sexy is my husband.
I eat and become less attractive. Dumpy not sexy.
This story goes way way back to when I was a child and a man was creepy and bad things happened.
I've used food as a shield for many years.
I need a new fight plan.